*Healing Grief Before The Eucharistic Host*

(Anyone who reads the following story from a friend of mine will be deeply touched. Please give it your time.)

I just want to relate an experience I had through using the Sacrament of Confession and praying to Jesus through the exposed Host, the Blessed Sacrament.

For 13 years I suffered heartbreaking guilt and turmoil over the death of my infant son, whom I will call "John". My son was four months old at the time of his death. He had died from a head injury caused by a car accident where he was with his father at the time, alone.

I was washing diapers and couldn’t stop to hold John, who was crying to be held. I had 23 diapers and needed to wash them every day. It took some time since we had one of those old wringer washing machines. His father, whom I will call "Thomas", said he would take him for a ride to calm him down. That was the reason I was not there when the accident occurred, and can’t say what truly happened.

Thomas said he hit a bump on the road, and that John fell to the car floor and must have hit his head. (This was before infant car seats were developed.) The car was fine and so was his father. John was the only one with a head injury. This, I thought was suspicious. I quickly developed a hatred for Thomas, thinking that he must have done something to our son. My suspicion was based on the fact that Thomas never wanted to have children and never enjoyed John.

I lived with a sorrow that ached to the core of my being, to my soul. I felt I didn’t deserve to live. Somehow I kept an outward face of a fairly normal person, at least in my view. Every now and then, through these years, I would wake in the night and weep copiously with the heartache of a grieving mother, and one who felt tremendous guilt, who really just wanted to die.
Within four months after John’s death, the relationship deteriorated into drunkenness and abuse. I shall say that I escaped from Thomas because he had threatened to kill me. A number of years later I found out that Thomas had died of a drug overdose and exposure.

I eventually returned to the Catholic Faith and the Sacraments. I had been away for 20 years.

A few years after my return to the Church, I attended a retreat that was directed by a Jesuit priest who was also a psychiatrist. During the retreat, which was a silent one, he led us in a probing history of our pasts which allowed me to really scrutinize my part in this hurtful situation in which I was holding resentments against myself and my baby son’s father.

I discovered that, in the beginning of our relationship, I did not have any respect or concern for his feelings. He told me he didn’t want to have children, and I thought that somehow things would work out even if I did get pregnant. I thought he would rise to the occasion and be a good father anyway. I did not consider that he could really be serious about not wanting children. So my fault was in not respecting his wishes. I never believed in using birth control so I should have ended the relationship then and there, but I didn’t. I confessed this sin because in the end it did cause him hurt and emotional turmoil, the extent of which I am unaware.

During the four months of our son’s life he did not prove to be a loving father and this was evidenced to me by various things he would say, as well as just a general annoyed attitude he kept towards our son.

I owed it to my son to leave his father, for I did fear for my son’s safety. However, I didn’t have a faith that was strong enough to leave, while at the same time I had been convinced by Thomas telling me that no one would help me. I thought he was right. It really did seem that there was no one. We were isolated, living in the country and I had lost touch with friends and family because they didn’t approve of our relationship.

The priest I went to for Confession during the retreat was a Jesuit too (though as far as I am aware, he was not a psychiatrist or a psychologist). During the confession I told him the above. I told him that by my not ending the relationship, I hurt a lot of people. Specifically, myself, my family, and most of all, my son and his father.

The priest told me to go sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament (they were having adoration in the afternoon) and to ask Jesus to allow my son to hear my apology and for Thomas to hear my apology. He also absolved me from my sins which, anyone who gets absolution in the Sacrament of Confession, will experience as a sort of lightness of being.

That afternoon I went to the Blessed Sacrament that was exposed, and prayed that God would allow my son to hear my apology. I then made my apology. I looked at the Host in the monstrance and saw the outline of a mother holding a baby. I seemed to know it was Mary, the Mother of Jesus, holding my son. I closed my eyes and saw very clearly my son’s face bathed in a warm bright light. He had the greatest smile on his face, and I knew now he knows no sorrow, only continual joy. I knew my little baby boy had forgiven me.

I then asked God to allow Thomas to hear my sorrowful apology for not considering his feelings and wants. ...... I made my apology, understanding that he was listening since Jesus was allowing this. For just a second my mind wandered to the thought, ........... "I wonder if Thomas did something to hurt our son and if he will end up in Hell". Immediately I heard a man’s voice around my right ear whom I am sure was the voice of Jesus. He said, "That’s between me and him." ... I became so aware of my judging Thomas and that I had overstepped my boundaries there. I thought of what a frightening thing that can be, to make God’s business of justice my own.

I left the spiritual exercise feeling deep gratitude and joy for Christ truly present in the Eucharistic Host. Also, I felt deep appreciation for the priests He uses to guide us and direct us on our souls’ journeys.
"In many ways, Our Lord, is calling us to worship and receive Him in the Eucharist. He speaks this desire in many ways: through the Pope and the Magisterium of the Church, in the Bible (John chapter 6), through his Blessed Mother in approved Marian apparitions, through the testimonies of Saints and Martyrs, through Eucharistic miracles, through Church approved messages given by Jesus by Divine Revelation, through our souls who long for Jesus in Communion, and through our suffering world which is in much need of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. Unfortunately many of us disbelieve or have grown indifferent towards Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament." .......... (From THE REAL PRESENCE )
Paragraph 174 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
"The mode of Christ's presence under the Eucharistic species is unique. It raises the Eucharist above all the sacraments as "the perfection of the spiritual life and the end to which all sacraments tend." In the most blessed sacrament of the Eucharist "the body and blood, together with the soul and divinity, of our Lord Jesus Christ and, therefore, the whole Christ is truly, really, and substantially contained." "This presence is called 'real' - by which is not intended to exclude the other types of presence as if they could not be 'real' too, but because it is presence in the fullest sense: that is to say, it is a substantial presence by which Christ, God and man, makes himself wholly and entirely present."


** Playing God (in "Virtual Reality") **

We used to "pretend" at "Playing God". Now it's real, or at least "virtually real". - I'm talking about video games. The "new" ones. You know, the places where so many of our children do their clicking like crazy. .......

Let's begin with "Black and White 2" . Here your child plays the god of a Greek tribe. As god, he is to win a nation's affection (and their worship) with good city management, careful military planning, and raising an impressive creature servant to do his bidding.

Then there's the video game "Spore" . ...
It won't be out for at least another year, however, experts say it has the potential to be the most amazing ... "god-game" ever made. How would you like to design your own life-form, guiding it from lowly beginnings through sentience, civilization ...
and finally space exploration? ... One of the industry's best, Will Wright, is responsible for this, and such popular games like Sim City and The Sims. ........ Also in these are virtual worlds the video game player governs like a god over his own universe.

In our review, let us go further with "God Of War 2" . This is not so much a god game as it is a game "about" gods. ... Steeped in Greek mythology, the "God of War" series combines breathtaking visuals with addictive, button-mashing combat and more than what the advertisers call a "touch of grown-up type content". You play Kratos, who starts the game as the God of War, and you drop in on numerous notable figures from classic stories: Icarus, Perseus, Theseus, Athena...and kill them.

"Viva Pinata" , is referred to by distributors as "kid-friendly". With a saccharine-sweet presentation. Under its Saturday morning cartoon facade (Not shown here), lurks a devastatingly addictive combination of building, management and economics: the "three pillars of all great god games."

In the ever popular "The Sims 2" video game, you get to "play god" for a small group of people. You control their surroundings, their activities, and their lives (Or just wall the people into a kitchen and set the place on fire.). ...... As you see from aspects of the video game's cover, the player is involved in many dimensions of his virtual reality world. ... His creation.
"Darwinia" is another video that makes your kid a "god"in his "own mind". The game, by simply clicking, casts the user into a "disembodied leader of a race of blobby, pixilated Space Invaders". These beings ramble over wire-frame landscapes populated by enemy beasts that blow people away without remorse.

"Evil Genius" (Sounds innocent enough!) constructs the perfect super-villain lair. Then the virtual reality game player packs the lair with traps to snare unwary spies, and sets about distributing minions cunningly to enslave an unsuspecting world.

Do you still feel you want to be "God"? (Or I mean your child ...) Here is another one for you. It's ..... "Mega Lo Mania" .......... This marvel of technological superiority affords the video player the opportunity to pilot a civilization from stone huts and sticks all the way to nukes, jet fighters and flying saucers. All with a pleasantly whimsy (guilt free) presentation!

All this "God Making" began with "Populous: The Beginning". Developed by Peter Molyneux's celebrated Bullfrog studio. Widely credited with giving birth to the "god game" genre way back in 1989.

I know it looks like I'm selling this stuff, but I'm not. Actually, I look around and see how entertainment devices like these are negatively impacting our youth. In my field of psychology, I know for a fact that the teen and young-adult male, where the frontal lobe (decision-making location of the brain) does not fully develop until about the age of 24; and the usual "linear-thinking tendency" of the normal male, video games especially become addicting to our male youth.

And when it comes to matters of God. ... Is it not already sad how we, His children, ignore the true God on so many levels through the course of each day? Shall we now further "invent" virtual realities of worlds in our minds we lord over with fingers as deities in His place? Do we not realize how much this must hurt true Deity, when He loved us so much that He sent His Son, very God, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross in our place?

Let us please pray for ourselves and others. ... For often we fail to realize the deeper meaning of what we do.


** Priests Who Molest Children **

As a counselor who has long worked in therapy with sexual abusers, as well as survivors of sexual abuse, let me tell you in short, what I believe about "Priests Who Molest Children":

(1) Statistically, less than one percent of Catholic priests have been accused of sexual abusing children. Of that amount, only a portion of that 1% have in fact done so.

(2) Thus, more than 99% of priests have "not" sexually abused children.

(3) What is said of Catholic priests is also said of Protestant ministers. In Protestant Christian denominations a very small minority of church leaders have been accused of sexually abusing, and a lesser amount of that portion has been substantiated as such accusations.
(4) Of the two, Catholic and Protestant, the Catholic Church especially is generally targeted as sexually abusive to children. At times in the media it is made to appear that the Catholic Church alone is plagued with problems of sexual abuse.

(5) Catholic priests are often accused to be sexual abusers, because they practice celibacy. It is purported in major media that because Catholic priests do not entertain a sexual experience in their lifestyle, their natural passions are suppressed, thus acted out in ways that are harmful to others.

(6) It is precisely "because" of both the "gift" and "sacrifice" of celibacy, that priests are chaste, and capable to perform their duties without preoccupation with personal sexual gratification.

(7) The more than 99% of priests who have "not" abused children, perform their duties amidst sadness and grief, having been falsely labelled as child abusers (or being united in service with other priests who are child abusers).

(8) It is the Catholic Church that remains united and committed, worldwide, on pro-life issues. Strongly advocating for traditional marriage and family, and against abortion, homosexuality, premarital sex and use of contraceptives.

(9) The small percentage of priests who have been proven to abuse children, are referred to as pedophiles. (Pedophilia is defined as an adult having fantasy, desire, and engaging in sexual activity with a child 13 years old or younger.)

(10) Until the mid 1980's, most professionals in the field of psychology believed and taught that sexual abusers could be rehabilitated through mental health therapy and treatment.

(11) Much hierarchy in the Catholic Church, particularly in North America, thought resorting to advice from the secular counseling community was wise on such matters as abuse to children.

(12) Cases of accused priests for alleged molestation of children were not always easy to substantiate.

(13) In most cases where possible sexual abusing priests were relocated to distant perishes after accusation of abuse, Catholic Bishops usually responded in principle to advice and general teaching of secular psychologists.

(14) The vast majority of cases where priests were in fact proven to have molested children, those cases did not include harm to young children.

(15 ) Sexual abuse by these priests were not found to have taken place against children who were "female".

(16) Sexual abuse by these priests happened against older teenagers who were "male".

(17) The proper term for these priests who have sexually acted out upon older teen aged boys is not "pedophile", but instead "homosexual".

(18) If a Catholic priest does, or ever had, heterosexual or homosexual tendencies, this is of little concern or consequence in his life, duties and service as a priest. Because a Catholic priest by pledge, definition, service and function is "celibate".

(19) Catholic priests who have transgressed sexual boundaries with anyone, including a child, is "not" a Catholic priest in that title's rightful definition. The one who claims to be a priest and has done these things, has broken the vow he made before God to be priest.

(20) A sexual abuser, by criteria and definition, chooses his or her profession, position, hobby and daily activities, to have access to those he or she wishes to sexually molest.

(21) Any Christian leader who has harmed a child in the manner described, never was a leader of a Christian church. His leadership of a church was only access to abuse, not a correct function of ministry.

(22) A priest who has abused a child never was of the Church. He is an "outsider", and in the truest sense of the term, always was. (Excommunication from the Catholic Church is a process of similar relevance, but general application remains functional for our cause here in my opinion.)

(23) For media or any other person to call a sexually abusing priest a Catholic, has scandalously misrepresented what the Catholic Church and Christianity in general stands for.

(24) Critics who are secularists and against the Church, cannot have it both ways. Which is it? ... "Does the Catholic Church stand for marriage, family, right to life and accountability to a moral God? Or does Catholicism stand for 'priests who practise their homosexuality lawlessly upon older teen aged boys'?"

(25) The answer to this final question is clear. A priest who has sexually molested a child, or anyone else for that matter, is not a priest or a representative for the Church. It is very possible he is not a Christian, thus not Catholic. This person is a "wolf in sheep's' clothing". Whatever vows this man has made while prostrate in holy ceremony before God, were instead lies and falsehood.

In conclusion to this post, consider the following scriptures, words spoken directly by the mouth of our Lord Jesus Christ Himself:

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" (Matthew 18:5-7)
"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name"' And then I will declare to them. 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'" (Matthew 7:21-23)


** Silver Ring In High Court (Britain) **

Say a prayer for Lydia Playfoot who is today taking her school to the High Court over her claim to the right to wear the Silver Ring as a symbol of Christian purity.

The ‘Silver Ring Thing’ is a Christian education project aimed at helping teenage girls value themselves, make right choices about their futures, and reduce Britain's ever-increasing rise in sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies amongst teenagers.

The case is being brought under Article 9 of the European Convention on Human Rights which reads:

1. Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief, in worship, teaching, practice and observance.

2. Freedom to manifest one's religion or beliefs shall be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary in a democratic society in the interests of public safety, for the protection of public order, health or morals, or the protection of the rights and freedoms of others.

The Lawyers Christian Fellowship support Lydia in her challenge. Lydia will be represented today in Court by barrister Paul Diamond, who also represents Nadia of the ‘British Airways 'Cross' case.

The Governors at Millais School in Horsham, West Sussex, banned Lydia from wearing her small silver ring, saying that it broke the school’s uniform policy. However, any "public order" argument on this basis is somewhat undermined by the fact that their uniform policy allows Muslims to wear headscarves and Sikhs to wear Kara bracelets. As Lydia has said, the school's uniform policy is 'discriminatory' as it allows all faiths, except Christians, to wear items symbolic of their beliefs.

This is an important case which highlights the general trend in public life that bans all forms of discrimination except discrimination against Christians. It is a good day for the case to be held as it is the feast of St John Fisher and St Thomas More. May their prayers aid Lydia and her barrister!
This valuable information comes to us from Father Tim Finigan of "Our Lady Of the Rosary" parish in Blackfen, England.


** Talk To Your Spouse **

Do you know the secret of holograms, 3-D movies, and depth perception? The answer is, it takes two? A split laser beam, a couple of camera lenses, a pair of eyes. With just one, all you get is a flat, one-dimensional image. Add another, and the result seems to jump off the page or leap out of the silver screen.


You need your spouse's viewpoint to more accurately perceive the world you live in. Ask for their input. With the insight your partner can provide, you will better understand not only your mate but also your children, other family members, your friends, coworkers, and associates.

Your better half can help you sort out situations you are facing at work, evaluate investment opportunities that come your way, and decide which purchase decisions make the most sense.

Best of all, your spouse can help you to see God more clearly, to experience His grace, to "grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" (Ephesians 3:18). - Talk about 3-D!

And if two vantage points give you three dimensions, imagine what a third, omniscient viewpoint would contribute. Prayerfully seek the Lord's wisdom as you try to understand your spouse, attempt to relate to others, and in everything you do. A godly perspective will add an entirely new dimension to yours. (The book "Married For Life", Bill Morelan, page 92)

"The Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6)


*Husband-Wife DATE to CONFESSIONAL?*


[Husband says to wife:]
"Honey!" ... "Excuse me!"

[Wife replies:]
"Yes, husband." ..... "Are you talking to me?" ... "Are you talking to 'ME'! ... "What do you want now?" ... "You know you've been absolutely driving me 'crazy' lately and I've had just about enough of you! ... So tell me. What precisely is it you want from me now? ... I suppose you want me to wash your clothes, feed you food, wash your dishes, fold your clothes and clean up after you again!" ... I tell you, between you and those kids you forced me to bring into the world, I am so 'MAD' that I could 'CHEW NAILS'! ... One more word from you mister, and I 'SWEAR' I will run out of this house 'SCREAMING'!!!"

[Husband clears his throat. Nervously he speaks further:]
"Oh, it's nothing dear. I just thought you and I would have some time alone together." ... "You know, ... Mmmm ... Like go on a 'date" or something." ... "What do you think? Would you like to go on a 'date' with me??!!!" ...

[Wife:] A date? ... You said you want to go on a 'DATE'!!!' ... "Are you completely 'CRAZY'!!!!!!!" ... "Being seen with you on a 'DATE' is the "LAST" thing I "EVER" want to do!!!"

[Courageously husband says:] Well, darling, I was just praying the rosary (You know the one you bought me for my birthday?) and I thought you and I would go get some coffee together and sit alone for a while. Perhaps then you can tell me in more detail how your day is going!
(I told you this husband was "courageous!)

[Husband:] Oh, yes. ... One more thing. ... I thought we would stop off at the church before we go on our, MMmmmm, "date". ... You see, it's Saturday and our priest is offering the Sacrament of Reconciliation." (Confession) ... "Honey, I know we've hurt each other lately with words we've said and not said. Also, that we've hurt each other in things we've done and not done." ... "Well, sweetheart. I tell you what. I'll go in the Confessional and talk to the priest first. Yes, I've got things I need to tell him I've done wrong. Afterwards, if you wish, you can have your turn.
This "does" happen you know. We Catholics get criticized a lot for kneeling at certain times, standing at certain times, making the sign of the cross with holy water at certain times, and attending elaborate Mass as often as we can. ... There are feast days, times of fasting, garments worn at certain times and so on. But what many non-catholics don't realize, there is meaning in every tradition, every procedure, every prayer, every nuance. Many of these activities dating back "hundreds" of years (if not thousands). Every detail is a symbol, a "form of worship" if you will. Honorable and sacred approaches to our Heavenly Father.
My point is this. To a good Catholic man, to a good Catholic woman, when you say, "It is time to go to Confession", the shirts come on and the shoes are laced. Everybody gets in the car, and off they go!!!" ... Then, in the moving of the lips and speaking to a man across the room (a man who's role and duty in life is to be a priest) a practising Catholic who is "worth his salt" (so to speak) confesses what he or she has done wrong in life, even if making that confession is difficult.
[Confessing sins in your head can be easier than confessing to God in front of a human being!] ... "This", my friend, is a great and ancient psychology. A "therapy" actually (to say the least). ... I will venture to say (speaking as a psychotherapist myself), attending Confession can be as productive and emotionally exhilarating as some professional therapies. - Not to mention "cheaper!"
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
1440 (a): "Sin is before all else an offense against God, a rupture of communion with him. At the same time it damages communion with the Church. ..."
1441 (a): "Only God forgives sins. Since he is the Son of God, Jesus says of himself, "The Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" and exercises this divine power: "Your sins are forgiven. ..."
1442: "Christ has willed that in her prayer and life and action his whole Church should be the sign and instrument of the forgiveness and reconciliation that he acquired for us at the price of his blood. But he entrusted the exercise of the power of absolution to the apostolic ministry which he charged with the "ministry of reconciliation." The apostle is sent out "on behalf of Christ" with "God making his appeal" through him and pleading: "Be reconciled to God.""


** How Bad Things Happen ("Scandal") **

No person ever just sets out in life to be "bad". A robber never robs, a killer never kills, a man or woman never insults or lies, entirely for the purpose to be "mean".

Think about it. In all of history, no human has ever harmed another human consciously, in any way, merely for the sake of inflicting pain. No, in every experience of destruction, conflict, death and heartache, there has always been a "cause" fabricated in the mind of the wrongdoer to render havoc on every level.
I mean literally, there is always a "cause".

Hitler convinced an army that murdering millions and millions of innocent men, women and children, was well founded for the sake of creating a dominant "Arian Race", and his misdirected rant that the "Jews killed Jesus". Then he influenced an entire nation to take on the world, by placing Polish uniforms on German soldiers, faking an attack by Poland on Germany, thus provoking the events of World War II.

We can go on and on without end. Throughout the annals of human history. ... Cain had his cause for murdering Abel, then roamed the earth with a mark of a wrong doer. Moses had his cause for throwing down and destroying the stone tablets, and was denied for himself entrance into the long awaited Promised Land. The Pharisees had their reason for demanding the crucifixion of Christ. Yet at the moment of the crucifixion of our Lord, the earth quaked, the Temple curtain was rent from top to bottom. God wept, the angels marveled, souls were were received into heaven, and these bellowing Pharisees will forever be referred to as hypocrites, whitewashed tombs, a brood of vipers making proselytes twice as greater children of hell as themselves. (Matthew 23)

*** (Here is a photo of my son, Justin, who I love so much!!!!!)
Yet, my point in this post is this. The reason your relationships with people are sometimes difficult and confusing, is because at times when you give thoughtful consideration to do what is right, "right" will be distorted by someone to appear "wrong", then with further manipulation by that someone, "wrong" will be made to appear "right".
Basically, we contrive a false premise to do the wrong we do, so that while doing that wrong we can feel, even with enthusiasm, that we are right. ... Right to hate, right to judge, right to lie, right to speak badly of our parents, our neighbors, our boss, our husband, our wife ... even feeling right to kill, - when the killing is not for the sake of the helpless, but for the sake of our own selfish purposes and desires.

There is a word for this. It is the word "Scandal" (or the act of being "scandalous"). A psychology of devious manipulation. Creating conspiracy where no conspiracy exists, that silently but remarkably has serious repercussions on our homes, families and churches in the most personal of intimate relationships.

In very specific ways a husband can be scandalous to his wife, a wife can be scandalous to her husband, parents can be scandalous to their children, and children can be scandalous to their parents.

For now, let us consider the words of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

(2284) "Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor's tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense."

(2285) "Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: 'Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.' (Matthew 18:6) ..."

(2287) "Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!" (Luke 17:1)


** Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape **

The Catechism Of The Catholic Church states:

"Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them". (Paragraph 2356)
It is like a rabbit that is chased by a fox or wolves. The rabbit was made by God to run rapidly, but when cornered, and no place else to run, the mind of the little animal shuts down, it stops working. It is not that the rabbit resigns itself to the fate of destruction. No. Instead the tiny creature no longer resists, while its mind stops processing the event that is happening. For in the beginning, God did not make the mind to absorb trauma, insisting that it make sense or endure the event of it's own destruction.

The same is true for adults and children raped and incested. Not knowing how to make sense of what's happened to them, the delicate soft personality of the one abused, made remarkably in God's image, fractures, implodes upon itself. Creating, as it were, a "compartment" inside the one traumatized. This "compartmentalization" is more than a suppression of feelings, a repression of emotions (i.e.,shame, fear, humiliation, loneliness, despair). ... It is more dramatically a suppression of an "entire event". ..... A little girl or boy locked in a closet by no wish of their own. Forced to stay there, alone and feeling blamed, keeping their mouth shut for a lifetime quite possibly. Burying the secret, living a lie, going on with life as if life would somehow make sense afterwards.

Has this happened to you? If so, I am certain you have wondered in your heart, "Why did God let this happen?" ... and ... "Where was God when this happened to me?"
For now let me say this to you. When God made you in the beautiful way you are dear one, God did not make you so that you would be violated in this way. On the contrary, He made you to be cherished, loved and protected.

Then where was our Lord when this terrible injustice was done (and maybe done over and over)??? ..... Listen to me. God was there with you and He wept. If you were too frightened to cry, then He cried for both of you.

And it was not your fault. Mary our Mother, all the saints and angels, the Triune Person of God Himself, knows intimately every dynamic of trauma psychology that echoed through your hurting soul the instant you were wronged, then blamed for the wrong by the perpetrator who took no responsibility.

Take care of yourself. You are "not" living a lie. Christ Himself was raped and mocked before he was nailed to a cross. He knows how you feel.

Finally, as to the closet, the "compartment" the child inside you sits inside, frightened and alone. Remember what Jesus said In Revelation 3:20-22 ...

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."


**Decide For Children, Religion & School?**

Some parents have the idea that they should wait to inform their children of the faith so that they can make their own decision of what to believe. This is a huge mistake on many levels.

[Level 1:] Your child will have a weaker connection with Christ if you do not introduce them to Christ from the start. If you love someone it would be selfish to not introduce them to the source of all love. It would be worse then not introducing them to their grandparents and extended family. And who would
rationally make the argument that you want your children to decide for themselves if they want to love their grandparents when they are better able to understand what love is?

[Level 2:] Your child will not be exposed to the best that western culture has produce with it’s over 2,000 year wisdom Tradition. This is the truth that Christ gave to the Church that it has handed down through the centuries to us. This is the Tradition that produced saints like St. Teresa, St. Francis, St. Clair, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Thomas Moore...and on and on and on. It is failing to give the best of what Christ’s bride (the Church) has to offer.

[Level 3:] It is impossible to raise a child to be neutral. By not teaching the faith you are producing a vacuum that will be filled by some other source. A source that is likely to be shallow and superficial.

[Level 4:] By teaching your children the truth of the Catholic Faith you are not taking away their free will. There will be a time where they will have to make the decision to ether pick up the cross and follow Christ or reject it. In the end it still is their choice.

All of these are great points on this topic. The last I will state again:
"... you are not taking away their (your children's) free will. There will be a time where they will have to make the decision to either pick up the cross and follow Christ or reject it. In the end it still is their choice."
Thanks for this list from the informative website: "The Art Of Apologetics" .


**The Rosary (For Men)**

Men, we have a problem. Don't tell anyone, especially the women. But men, we "do" have a problem.

Yes, we men love women. We cherish women, we appreciate women. Women are our joy, our light, our treasure in life. But to be honest, men, we have also used women, abused women, manipulated, ravaged, promised women love, but then each of us, at some time, have rejected, lost patience with, forgotten and abandoned women.

If you're a man, you know what I mean.

But in defiling what is conceptually sacred in women, with our male minds, hearts, and bodies, we defile as well ourselves for it's from women we are born, nursed, caressed and made to grow, only to return and defile again. And sometimes, again, again and again.

Can a man find his innocence? We men of God's good earth who call ourselves Catholics, but sometimes wonder because of currents of passion we feel deep inside us.

There "is" a place for men in the rosary. Mary, the mother of Jesus, the queen of all saints, welcomes us through the power and grace of the Holy Spirit, to be our mother, and we of both genders to be the very family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Gentleman, many of us need this. Women do not always know how deeply we men hurt. So often we must truly be the providers, the protectors of our wives, our children, our families.

And yes, let us say it here, many of us men have been walked on and ignored. We do not all know the love of a mother. Many of us do not even know the love of a lover, who did not in the end manipulate with lies.

Sir, let me tell you something. As a man, you can survive almost "anything" for 20 minutes, right? (God knows you've had to!). I suggest that you seriously consider the relevance of praying the rosary on a daily basis.

You see, we men need the beauty and grace of a beautiful woman. Sometimes we demand this from our wives, but sometimes they do not have it to give. We men, too, need healing deep in our souls. Coming from broken homes, trauma after trauma, still we press on and pretend we don't feel pain. Yet we do, then quickly bury it in shame and doubt, and whatever else is nearest to us to pretend.

God understands. He knows you need love to be a man. Actually, love that respects you, not love that hurts you, then makes the world believe it is your fault.

Listen, saying the rosary in private, feeling the beads in your hands as you do so, this can awaken your manly heart to a beauty and love, a respect that a man needs from the elogence, grace, even charm of our immaculate virgin holy mother. This, with the passion of Christ's crusifixion, is where you find healing and wholeness for the man you can be.

Let us men not be embarrassed. We can keep a manly rosary somewhere in a pocket, a box. No one needs to know. God knows. He hears. He sees.

Stop thinking you have to "make" yourself a man. Ask God to do it. Let Him be your Protector, the Giver of manly stamina. Let our Holy Mother nurture you where you have not been before. She is full of grace, a Virgin. Not someone who will tempt you, nor will be tempted by you. She, and the Trinity that is God, is all that you need.

Pray the rosary. Daily if you can. Then return to your family and be the man you can truly be. Remember, you will forever be with the family of God. There will never be an end to that eternity.



** Why Some People Dislike You The Same Way Always #3 **

[Consider reading first "PART 1" and "PART 2". .....
..... Now we have "PART 3" in the series.]
(***) As a matter of illustration, notice how when a wooden ship is being built, there is careful attention to place a wooden beam through the base and center of the ship's construction. From the position of this wooden beam, all other parts are attached and built one upon another. Eventually, the vessel is completed, then placed on the ocean to float for the purpose of carrying valuable cargo and passengers.
(***) Imagine if the beam of wood, upon which all other smaller parts are attached, was instead a "bamboo shoot!" What do you imagine would happen to the ship once it is placed on ocean swirls and set stressfully in rocking motion?
(***) Yes, you're right, the ship would fall apart, then embarassingly sink in pieces to the depth of the sea! Without a reliable, sturdy object upon which to build the ship, nothing would last, and destruction would soon be the result! The same is true in human relationships, and this serves as another explanation as to why "Some People Dislike You The Same Way Always!"
(***) Remember in Part 1 and Part 2 of "Why Some People Dislike You The Same Way Always". We discussed how he who angrily criticizes with words, is guilty of the offense of which he criticizes. We saw also, that not only is the angry accuser guilty of the thing that he criticizes, but he is also "most" guilty of that offense, while the one accussed is "most innocent" of the accusation. Case after case, and situation after situation, I find this consistently to be true. Yes, we briefly consider how it is so true what Christ our Lord said at the start of the seventh chapter of the book of Matthew.
(***) However, this brings to another step of grasping further the words of the greatest psychologist that has ever lived, the Creator Himself, Jesus Christ. That is, "Why some people who dislike you, seem always to dislike you the 'SAME WAY'!"
(***) Well, it is like the ship. You know, with the "strong beam of wood" built through its center! People who criticize you judgmentally and angrily for the same thing over and over (and over, and over, and over), do so "not because you are 'WEAK' in the thing for which they criticize you, but precisely because you are 'STRONG' in the thing for which they criticize you!!!
(***) OK, I'll give you time to recover. (Get up off the floor if you fell down.) I know it must be difficult to imagine. The fact that its "shocking" and sounds "ludicrous" and all. Still, what I've said is true. Completely, an amazing amount of the time!
(***) Reveiw again, some things for which people have criticizec you rudely and uncaringly in one or two specific ways. In principle, one or two specific messages have followed you all of your life. Literally, you can choose from the following list (For someone else, the choice might be different):
1. You are irresponsible. ("I always have to tell you what to do!")
2. You will never amount to much. ("You will always be less of a person than you should be!")
3. You care only about yourself. ("You are selfish, and do not love anyone but yourself!")
4. You never listen. ("I could talk until I am "blue in the face, and you will sit there and not listen!")
5. You are stupid. You know nothing. ("Everyone else is more intelligent than you are!")
6. Nothing good comes out of your mouth. ("Everything you say is not worth hearing!")
7. You are ugly. ("Nothing about you is attractive!" ... "People are repulsed by you!")
(***) I wish to tell you that when it dawns on you that one or two of these negative messages, negative scripts, has followed you through the course of your entire life, it is in that precise negative criticism where is found your greatest strength. Yes, precisely on that specific subject exists the healthy, strong, core of your personality given to you by God.
(***) You see, the instant you feel within you the sting of pain or anger because of what someone else said against you to hurt you, you are at that moment the "beam of wood at the center of the ship". Stress in a home, business, church, family moves and targets itself at "someone to blame!" You believe the falsehood of the blame. The reason the rude criticism hurts you is because it is not true. In fact, it is the "opposite" that is true. And you've heard the same wrong message for so long all your life that, in your anger you've believed it and doubt the gifts God gave you.
(***) You might ask, "But why do some people always say this bad thing against me?" ... My answer, because what those people say bad about you says more about "them" than it does about "you". Also, your believing what they are saying is true continues to make it convenient for those people to continue to criticize you in the same way, again and again, day after day. You become those peoples' "drug", so to speak, to maintain the denial of truth they do not wish to see in themselves.
(***) In other words, while feeling ashamed and less than others, you, my friend, are the "strong beam of wood that holds the ship together!
(***) To conclude this post, let me give only one illustration to explain what I mean. Let's take the classic example of a mother standing over her son screaming at him. The young man is sitting in a chair and the mother is standing over him. She yells, "You never listen to me!" ... "I could talk to you until I'm blue in the face, and it will make no difference!" ... "You will be the death of me!" ... "It matters not what I say, with you it only 'goes-in-one-ear-and-comes-out-the-other!"
(***) I ask you, in this situation, who is not listening? Actually, it is the "mother" who is not listening. This mother at this moment is grossly at fault for not listening herself, for she cannot listen if she is constantly screaming. And as for the young man, I assure you he has the "gift" of listening. For one reason because the mother is angrily criticisizing him for not listening, in order to hide the fact that it is "she" who is not listening.
******* (Please look for the next post in this series on this important topic "WHY-SOME-PEOPLE-DISLIKE-YOU-THE-SAME-WAY-ALWAYS") *******

** The "Thrill Of The Chaste" **

For those who valued the post ..............."CASUAL-SEX-IS-A-Con", note that the author will be appearing on "CATHOLIC ANSWERS LIVE" Wenesday, June 6th.. Click on "Radio" to see guests. Programs can be accessed by internet on EWTN . Here is the program schedule for internet radio programming on that site.
Dawn Eden, a writer and editor, is a self-described "agnostic Reform Jew" and veteran of the New York City singles jungle who became an evangelical Christian and then a Catholic. In her new book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On, she describes her conversion from a "Sex and the City" lifestyle that made her miserable to a realization that saving sex for marriage was a liberating experience. She also encourages unmarried women to think of themselves not as "single" but as "singular"--defined by their relationship to God, not a man.
Thanks for this information being made available to "Catholic Psychology Blogpot" regarding Dawn Eden, by a listener of "Catholic Answers Radio".. Let us be sure to listen to the program (as well as others), either live, or download at a future date. This should surely prove to be valuable listening for the serious Catholic who has love for our Lord!


** Casual Sex Is A Con **

(From the author, Dawn Eden, comes these portion from an article where she admits, based on her own personal experience, that "Casual Sex Is A Con". )

(***) The Sixties generation thought everything should be free. But only a few decades later the hippies were selling water at rock festivals for $5 a bottle. But for me the price of “free love” was even higher. I sacrificed what should have been the best years of my life for the black lie of free love. All the sex I ever had — and I had more than my fair share — far from bringing me the lasting relationship I sought, only made marriage a more distant prospect.
(***) And I am not alone. Count me among the dissatisfied daughters of the sexual revolution, a new counterculture of women who are realising that casual sex is a con and are choosing to remain chaste instead.

(***) I am 37, and like millions of other girls, was born into a world which encouraged young women to explore their sexuality. It was almost presented to us as a feminist act. In the 1960s the future Cosmopolitan editor Helen Gurley Brown famously asked: Can a woman have sex like a man? Yes, she answered because “like a man, [a woman] is a sexual creature”. ...
(***) As a historian of pop music and daughter of the sexual revolution I embraced Greer’s call to (men’s) arms. My job was to write the sleeve notes to 1960s pop CDs and I gained a reputation for having an encyclopedic knowledge base, interviewing the original artists and recording personnel. It was all a joy for me, as I was obsessed with the sounds of the era. ...
(***) ... the touring rock musician was my ideal sexual partner. By bedding them I could enjoy a temporary sort of fairy-tale bond; knowing it was bound to be fleeting as we would both move on meant that I never had to confront my own vulnerability about properly making a connection with someone. I could establish a transient intimacy and never have to deal with the real thing — and the real rejection that might entail. ...
(***) Of course the rejection would come as the latest lover moved on to the next town and the next woman — but somehow, being able to see it coming made me feel more in control. I was choosing, I thought, the lesser pain. ...
(***) But in all that casual sex, there was one moment I learnt to dread more than any other. I dreaded it not out of fear that the sex would be bad, but out of fear that it would be good. If the sex was good, then, even if I knew in my heart that the relationship wouldn’t work, I would still feel as though the act had bonded me with my sex partner in a deeper way than we had been bonded before. It’s in the nature of sex to awaken deep emotions within us, emotions that are unwelcome when one is trying to keep it light.
(***) On such nights the worst moment was when it was all over. Suddenly I was jarred back to earth. Then I’d lie back and feel bereft. He would still be there, and if I was really lucky, he’d lie down next to me. Yet, I couldn’t help feeling like the spell had been broken. ... — it had just been a game. ... The circus had left town.
(***) ... I’ve tried their philosophy ... and it doesn’t work. We’re not built like that. Women are built for bonding. We are vessels and we seek to be filled. For that reason, however much we try and convince ourselves that it isn’t so, sex will always leave us feeling empty unless we are certain that we are loved, that the act is part of a bigger picture that we are loved for our whole selves not just our bodies.
(***) It took me a long time to realise this. My earliest attitudes about sex were shaped from what I saw in the lives of my older sister and my mother — especially my mother, a free spirit who was desperately trying to make up missing out on the hippie era.
(***) ... This was the 1970s and early 1980s, the age of the Sensitive New Age Guy or aptly named “snag”. My mother attracted them because she was new age herself, doing kundalini yoga and attending lectures by various gurus.
(***) The snags treated her with what passed for respect in that world but they never gave much of themselves and didn’t appreciate Mom in the way I did — I wondered if there were any men capable of valuing inner beauty. In both her search for a husband and her quest for a fulfilling spirituality, Mom was, in my eyes, fuelled by a longing to fill the empty space.
(***) As a teenager with no moral foundation for my resolution to save my virginity for Mr Right — other than a fear of being hurt by Mr Wrong ... But in a wider sense, losing my virginity, far from being the demarcation between past and future, was just a blip on the continuum of my sexual degradation. The decline had begun when I first sought sexual pleasure for its own sake.
(***) Our culture — both in the media via programmes such as Sex and the City and in everyday interactions — relentlessly puts forth the idea that lust is a way station on the road to love. It isn’t. It left me with a brittle facade incapable of real intimacy. Occasionally a man would tell me I appeared hard, which surprised me as I thought I was so vulnerable. In truth, underneath my attempts to appear bubbly, I was hard — it was the only way I could cope with what I was doing to my self and my body.
(***) The misguided, hedonistic philosophy which urges young women into this kind of behaviour harms both men and women; but it is particularly damaging to women, as it pressures them to subvert their deepest emotional desires. The champions of the sexual revolution are cynical. They know in their tin hearts that casual sex doesn’t make women happy. That’s why they feel the need continually to promote it.
(***) These days I live a very different kind of life. I still touch base with old musician pals now and again, but I’m more likely to hang out with members of church choirs. I am chaste. My decision to resist casual sex was, once again, influenced by my mother — though not in the way she initially hoped.
(***) Although she was Jewish, she gave up her new age beliefs for Christianity when I was a teenager. ... As far as I could see, Christians were a dull, faceless mass who ruled the world. My mission in life, as I saw it, was to be different; creative, liberal, rebellious.
(***) Then one day in December 1995, I was doing a phone interview with Ben Eshbach, leader of a Los Angeles rock band called the Sugarplastic, and asked him what he was reading. His answer was The Man Who Was Thursday by G K Chesterton. I picked it up out of curiosity and was captivated. Soon I was picking up everything by Chesterton that I could get my hands on, starting with his book Orthodoxy, his attempt to explain why he believed in the Christian faith.
(***) That was the first time it struck me that there was something exciting about Christianity. I kept reading Chesterton even as I continued my dissipated lifestyle, and then one night in October 1999 I had a hypnagogic experience — the sort in which you’re not sure if you are asleep or awake. I heard a woman’s voice saying: “Some things are not meant to be known. Some things are meant to be understood.” I got on my knees and prayed — and eventually entered the Catholic church.
(***) My chances are better now than they’ve ever been, because before I was chaste, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s only now that I’m truly ready for marriage and have a clear vision of the kind of man I want.
(***) I may be 37, ... “but in husband-seeking years, I’m only 22.”
(Consult "The Thrill Of The Chaste: (Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On)", by Dawn Eden, was published by W Publishing Group/ Thomas Nelson last month.
(***) To access Dawn Eden's blog click on "The Dawn Patrol" .)
To order Ms. Eden's book click on "The Thrill Of The Chaste"
(Much thanks to the blog The Art of Apologetics for the information received on this valuable article!)


** How To Be A Good Counselor (101) **

(***) Good day students. Thanks for arriving on time for your class. ..... (Just kidding. ... Well, sort of.) Now, let's begin our first lesson in the course "How To Be A Good Counselor 101". Are you ready? OK, here we go. Now, listen to this. ... When counseling, pay close attention to what your clients are saying to you.
(***) Of course, we all know to do this, but I recommend you listen carefully to your client (when finally you're a therapist) while confidently figuring out "Who-Dislikes-Who-For-What-Reason-Always" (a future post).
(***) But,, before doing that, maybe you should read what this has to do with marriage, "When You Are Right And Your Spouse Is Wrong" Part 1 and Part 2.
(***) On second thought, before you do that, I think maybe it's a good idea to read "What Has Been Forgotten About Women" (At least women would appreciate you reading that one!)
(***) Oh, and while we're on the subject of "women", (A topic that can be complicated at times for us men!) consult "The Adam And Eve Syndrome (Destruction Of Marital Oneness)".
(***) Yet, now that I think about it, if any of those women we just referred to know you've read "that" post, then the secret is out, and we're in "big-trouble". That being the case, I strongly recommend, urgently, that you immediately (if not sooner) go to "What Does It Mean To Be IN Love," even if you don't read it! (At least "look" like you're reading it.).
(***) ... Oh, know! What's "wrong" with me! "If you 'pretended' at doing anything, I mean "anything", then it's a "fact" your wife knows about it!
(***) Oh, man. This is "not" good! (Women have a "sense" for that kind of thing you know!)
(***) OK. Don't panic. It'll be OK. Trust me. (I've been in your shoes before.) ... Try this. Tell your wife you "promise" you will read Husband-Wife Need for Each other. This will gain you "points" with your wife. Get-you-in-good-standing-with-her, if you knowhat I mean! (Remember, I'm a "professional.) And while you do this, for "goodness sakes"-"swear" to your wife that you "will" read "Why One Woman Is Not Enough For Some Men". ...
(***) Oh no!!! What am I saying??!!! What's gotten into me??? That's "TERRIBLE" advice!!!
(***) (Is your wife in the room, or worse, is she "reading" this?) - I hope not!!! That could be "tragic"!
(***) OK, I'm panicking, but you don't have to. (Not yet anyway.) Stop. - Let me think. ... Yes, I know. If you want out of this mess you've got yourself into, I'm afraid you have no choice but to come clean. What I mean is, get honest with this woman that is your wife!! (I know that's asking a lot, but man,"your back is against a wall here!")
(***) So, listen closely. Follow my directives precisely. Do not deviate, understand? Pay attention to every word I will now tell you, and follow it to a "tee"!!!
(***) Wait a minute. Maybe "this" will work. For better luck, have your wife "watch" you while you read something good that she's actually been trying to tell you for years (only you wouldn't listen). But to be effective, it might be smart that you not tell her that it was "me" who put you up to reading this stuff. ...
(***) You ready? ... Now, read. But smile while you do it, (as you at the same time move your lips as if articulating each sylable dramatically). How to Listen To Your Wife (For Husbands). If you're lucky, your wife will be peering tenderly over your shoulder. Maybe then your wife will notice the post next to that one, How To Make Husbands Better (For Wives).
(***) Oh. Excuse me. No, no, no, no, no...! I can't believe I just said that! We "can't" have women "making-us-men-be-better"! I'm not sure it works that way anyway. ... (Not to mention "my own kind" that I have turned against by saying this!)
(***) OK, try this. If by chance your wife "did" read that post over your shoulder (You know, the one about "fixing us men"), look her square in the face and "lie." (You heard me right, "lie" man. Lie like there's no tomorrow!) Tell this woman you married that it was "you" who thought of passing such a lovely evening, parousing together with her these precious writings on scroll designed to "enhance" your "relationship" with her romantically, - this your beautiful wife! ... You understand? ... Good. ...
(***) Now, on the count of three, while your wife's looking across the at you, move your lips where she can see them. Do so and at least "pretend" with all your might that you're reading "Vital Oneness In Marriage" and "Sex That Is Meaningful". Now if you can do "that", my friend, I guarantee you will capture your wife's attention, get you out of trouble, "and" score points with her at the same time!!! . (Unless I'm mistaken, of course, which I don't believe I am.)
(***) Oh, but one more thing. Do not (and I mean absolutely "do not") send an e-mail to my wife telling her I told you this stuff!!! Understand me? If you "do" tell my wife I said these things, I'll deny every bit of it!!! I mean it!
(***) On second thought, this whole conversation we're having is getting awfully embarrassing!!! ... I tell you what, let's just forget we even met, OK? ...
(***) I know you've got a problem with your wife now, but personally, I claim no responsibility for it. You're on your own Bud. I've got my own problems.
(***) And about the "unfinished business" you stirred up here. As far as I'm concerned, you're on your own! And if by some strange chance you sill have an inkling of desire to aide humankind by being some sort of counselor, my advice to you is "Don't". Forget the whole thing. Get a job fixing computers, being a plumber. Train dogs to "sit" or something. .....
(***) Alright, I tell you what. Just do what you want, OK? Just leave me out of it. Get it? And while you're doing that, maybe it is best we just end this class, this post, this article (whatever it is) right now. ..... However, now that I think about it, judging by the emotional "wrecks" you and I both are now, perhaps before quitting and leaving the classroom to face this confusing world, we should read together calmly One Reason For Feeling Bad, and Having A Humble Opinion Of Oneself. ...
If not, well then let's exit the building in single file.. ... See you soon for our next lesson. (Remember, ... be on time.)

(Jim Hogue has been working in the field of counseling and psychotherapy, on various levels, for a total of 27 years. Having clinically created and assisted in maintaining dual diagnosis drug treatment programs and counseling centers, he has especially applied himself professionally for clients in areas of sexual abuse trauma, marital communication and Parent/Child problem relationships. Jim is a devout Catholic, having returned to the Catholic Church after years as a Protestant minister and missionary. Some say Mr. Hogue is a gifted musician as a vocalist and guitarist, including an exhaustive repertoire of both traditional and contemporary Christian music that he leads in Catholic Church worship and Mass. He believes that much of psychology that is productive for life and personal relationships, already exists remarkably, and always has, in forms of sacraments, traditions, prayers and practices of the Roman Catholic Church. [May God bless all we Christians, both Catholic and Protestant, as we seek to be His servants.]

Other posts on at this point include: Catholic Family Systems Theory, ... Healing For Emotional Pain, ... What Catholics Believe About Marriage, ... What Does It Mean To Be "IN LOVE", ... The Psychology Of Love, ... How To Not Be Anxious, ... Husband And Wife, Love And Priority, ... Neuro-Theology And Nuns ... A Mother Ponders Her Blog Addiction ... Catholic Psychology 101, ...and ...Why Do People Criticize (Part 1) and (Part 2). [For feedback, contributions and comments please e-mail: .]

Book of Proverbs

(Psychological Scripture Verses:)

" To know wisdom and instruction. to perceive the words of understanding, to receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, judgment, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion - a wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of under-standing will attain wise counsel, to understand a proverb and an enigma, the words of the wise and their riddles. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction." (1:2-7)

"My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck." (1:8-9)

" For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk uprightly; He guards the paths of justice, and preserves the way of His saints. Then you will understand righteousness and justice, equity and every good path. When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you." (2:6-11)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (3:5-6)

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones."

"Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding; for her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, and her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her. Length of days is in her right hand, in her left hand riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who retain her." (3:13-18)

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror. Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught." (3:24-26)

"Do not envy the oppressor, and choose none of his ways; for the perverse person is an abomination to the Lord, but His secret counsel is with the upright." (3:31-32)

"Keep your heqrt with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." (4:23)

"For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword." (5:3-4)

"Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be sispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love." (5:15-19)

"These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren." (6:16-19)

"Reproofs of instruction are the way of life. To keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life." (6:23[b]-26)

"Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent." (6:27-29)

"Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away." (6:32-33) "Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths; for she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men." (7:25-26)

"I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge and discretion. The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom; I am understanding, I have strength." (8:12-14) "... he who sins against me wrongs his own soul; all those who hate me love death." (8:36)

"He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, and he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning." (9:7-9)

"If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, and if you scoff, you will bear it alone." (9:12)

"A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the rief of his mother." (10:1)

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins." (10:12)

"In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise." (10:19)

"He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his peace." (11:12)

"Where there is no counsel, the people perish; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." (11:14)

"The merciful man does good for his own soul, but he who is cruel troubles his own flesh." (11:17)

"As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion." (11:22)

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones." (12:4)

"The thoughts of the righteous are right, but the counsels of the wicked are deceitful." (12:5)

"A righteous man regards the life of his animal, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel." (12:10)

"The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous will come through trouble. A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth." (12:13-14)

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise. A fool's wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame." (12:16)

"... There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health." (12:17[b]-18)

"The truthful lip shall be established forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment." (12:19)

"Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but counselors of peace have joy." (12:20)

"Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight." (12:22)

"Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." (12:25)

"The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray." (12:26)

"He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction." (13:3)

"There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing; and one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches." (13:7)

"By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom." (13:10)

"Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, but he who regards a rebuke will be honored." (13:18)

"He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." (13:20)

"He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." (13:24)

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." (14:1)

"Go from the presence of a foolish man, when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge." (14:7)

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." (14:12)

"A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, ..." (14:17[a])

"In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge." (14:26)

"He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly." (14:29)

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." (15:1-2)

"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." (15:4)

"Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred." (15:16-17)

"A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention." (15:18)

"A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother." (15:20)

"Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established." (15:22)

"The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and a good report makes the bones healthy." (15:30)

"The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility." (15:33)

"All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits." (16:2)

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established." (16:3)

"When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." (16:7)

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit befor a fall." (16:18)

"Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones." (16:24)

"A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends. A violent man entices his neighbor, and leads him in a way that is not good, he winks his eye to devise perverse things; he purses his lips and brings about evil." (16:27-30)

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." (16:32)

"Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife." (17:1)

"The refining pot is for silver and the furnce for gold, but the Lord tests the hearts." (17:3)

"He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends." (17:9)

"Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly." (17:12)

"The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts." (17:14)

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (17:17)

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." (17:22)

"A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him." (17:25)

"He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive." (17:27-28)

"It is not good to show partiality to the wicked, or to overthrow the righteous in judgment." (18:5)

"A fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul." (18:7)

"The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body."" (18:8)

"He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him." (18:13)

"The spirit of man will sustain him in sickness. ..." (18:14[a])

"The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him." (18:17)

"A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle." (18:19)

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (18:21[a])

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." (18:22)

"A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (18:24)

"He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will find good." (19:8)

"The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression." (19:11)

"A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping." (19:13)

"Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." (19:14)

"Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction." (19:18)

"A man of great wrath will suffer punishment; for if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." (19:19)

"Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days." (19:20)

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand." (19:21)

"What is desired in a man is kindness." (19:22[a])

"He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach." (19:26)

"Wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise." (20:1)

"It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarel." (20:3)

"Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." (20:5)

"Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man?" (20:6)

"Who can say, 'I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin'"? (20:9)

"There is gold and a multitude of rubies, but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel." (20:15)

"Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel." (20:17)

"He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips." (20:20)

"Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness." (20:20)

"An inheritance gained hastily at the beginning will not be blessed at the end." (20:21)

"Do not say, "I will recompense evil"; wait for the Lord, and He will save you." (20:22)

"A man's steps are of the Lord; how then can a man understand his own way?" (20:24)

"It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy, and afterward to reconsider his vows." (20:25)

"The spirit of a man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the inner depths of his heart." (20:27)

"The glory of young men is their strength, and the splendor of old men is their gray head." (2029)

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts." (21:2)

"Getting treasures by a lying tongue is the fleeting fantasy of those who seek death." (21:6)

"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." (21:9)

"A gift in secret pacifies anger, and a bribe behind the back strong wrath." (21:14)

"Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." (21:19)

"Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." (21:23)

"The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but deliverance is of the Lord." (21:31)

"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold." (22:1)

"By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life." (22:4)

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (22:6)

"Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; yes, strife and reproach will cease." (22:10)

"Have I not written to you excellent things of counsels and knowledge, that I may make you know the certainty of the words of truth, that you may answer words of truth to those who send to you?" (22:20-21)

"Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul." (22:24-25)

"Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease!" (23:4)

"Do not eat the bread of a miser, nor desire his delicacies; for as he thinks in his heart, so is he. 'Eat and drink!' he says to you, but his heart is not with you. The morsel you have eaten, you will vomit up, and waste your pleasant words." (23:6-8)

"Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words." (23:9)

"Do not let your heart envy sinners, but be zealous for the fear of the Lord all the day; for surely there is a hereafter, and your hope will not be cut off." (23:17-18)

"Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old." (23:22)

"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, and let her who bore you rejoice." (23:24-25)

"My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. For a harlot is a deep pit, and a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim. And increases the unfaithful among men." (23:26-28)

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long at the wine, those who go in search of mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it swirls around smoothly; at the last it bites like a serpent, and stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart will utter perverse things. Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying: 'They have struck me, but I was not hurt; they have beaten me, but I did not feel it, when shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?" (23:29-35)

"A wise man is strong, yes, a man of knowledge increases strength; for by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and in a multitude of counselors there is safety." (24:5-6)

"If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." (24:10)

"My son, eat honey because it is good, and the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste; so shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul;" (24:13-14[a])

"... a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity." (24:16)

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; lest the Lord see it, and it displease Him, and He turn away His wrath from him." (24:17-18)

"It is not good to show partiality in Judgment." (24:23[b])

"He who gives a right answer kisses the lips." (24:26)

"Do not say, 'I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work." (24:29)

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter." (25:2)

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver, like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear." (25:11-12)

"A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow." (25:18)

"Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint." (25:19)

"It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than a house shared with a contentious woman." (25:24)

"Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls." (25:28)

"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him." (26:4)

"Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him." (26:12)

"The lazy man is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly." (26:16)

"He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears." (26:17)

"Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, 'I was only joking!'" (26:18-19)

"Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife." (26:20-21)

"He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly." (26:24-26)

"A lying tongue hates those who are crushed by it, and a flattering mouth works ruin." (26:28)

"Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." (27:2)

"A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but a fool's wrath is heavier than both of them." (27:3)

"Wrath is cruel and anger is torrent, but who is able to stand before jealousy?" (27:4)

"Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed." (27:5)

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." (27:6)

"Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel." (27:9)

"He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him." (27:14)

"A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand." (27:15-16)

"As in water face reflects face, so a man's heart reveals the man." (27:19)

"Though you grind a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his foolishness will not depart from him." (27:22)

"The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion." (28:1)

"Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand all." (28:5)

"Better is the poor who walks in his integrity than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich." (28:6)

"Whoever causes the upright to go astrain in an evil way, he himself will fall into his own pit;" (28:10)

"Whoever robs his father or his mother, and says, 'It is no transgression,' the same is companion to a destroyer." (28:24)

"He who is of a proud heart stirs up strife, ..." (28:25[a])

"He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy." (29:1)

"If a wise man contends with a foolish man, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace." (29:9)

"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." (29:11)

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." (29:15)

"Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul." (29:17)

"Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him." (29:20)

"An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression." (29:22)

"The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." (29:25)

"There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother. There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, yet is not washed from its filthiness." (30:11-12)

"This is the way of an adulterous woman; she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, 'I have done no wickedness.' (30:20)

"If you have been foolish in exalting yourself, or if you have devised evil, put your hand on your mouth. For as the churning of milk produces butter, and wringing the nose produces blood, so the forcing of wrath produces strife." (30:32-33)

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." (31:10-12)

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates." (31:30-31)