Homosexuality (Catholic Moral Perspective)

How To Love Those We Live With!!!

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To All The Mothers...

This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at football games Friday night instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.
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This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
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This is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't find their children.
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This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and made them homes.
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For all the mothers of the victims of the Colorado shooting, and the mothers of the murderers. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TV's in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
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For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
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What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to School alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
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The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying?
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This is for all the mothers that sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.
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This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then reading it again. "Just one more time."
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This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two-year old who wants ice cream before dinner.
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This is for all the mothers who taught their daughters to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
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For all the mothers who bite their lips -- sometimes until they bleed -- when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green. Who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.
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This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
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This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home.
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This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves.
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This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
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This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to school with stomachaches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse and hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
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This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. So hang in there.
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Please pass along to all the moms in your life. "Home" is what catches you when we fall - and we all fall. PLEASE PASS THIS TO A WONDERFUL MOTHER YOU KNOW.

Author Unknown
Since the writer wanted her message passed along --
We share it with you.
( http://www.butlerwebs.com/holidays/mothersday.htm )

*Healing Grief Before The Eucharistic Host*

(Anyone who reads the following story from a friend of mine will be deeply touched. Please give it your time.)

I just want to relate an experience I had through using the Sacrament of Confession and praying to Jesus through the exposed Host, the Blessed Sacrament.

For 13 years I suffered heartbreaking guilt and turmoil over the death of my infant son, whom I will call "John". My son was four months old at the time of his death. He had died from a head injury caused by a car accident where he was with his father at the time, alone.

I was washing diapers and couldn’t stop to hold John, who was crying to be held. I had 23 diapers and needed to wash them every day. It took some time since we had one of those old wringer washing machines. His father, whom I will call "Thomas", said he would take him for a ride to calm him down. That was the reason I was not there when the accident occurred, and can’t say what truly happened.

Thomas said he hit a bump on the road, and that John fell to the car floor and must have hit his head. (This was before infant car seats were developed.) The car was fine and so was his father. John was the only one with a head injury. This, I thought was suspicious. I quickly developed a hatred for Thomas, thinking that he must have done something to our son. My suspicion was based on the fact that Thomas never wanted to have children and never enjoyed John.

I lived with a sorrow that ached to the core of my being, to my soul. I felt I didn’t deserve to live. Somehow I kept an outward face of a fairly normal person, at least in my view. Every now and then, through these years, I would wake in the night and weep copiously with the heartache of a grieving mother, and one who felt tremendous guilt, who really just wanted to die.

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Within four months after John’s death, the relationship deteriorated into drunkenness and abuse. I shall say that I escaped from Thomas because he had threatened to kill me. A number of years later I found out that Thomas had died of a drug overdose and exposure.

I eventually returned to the Catholic Faith and the Sacraments. I had been away for 20 years.

A few years after my return to the Church, I attended a retreat that was directed by a Jesuit priest who was also a psychiatrist. During the retreat, which was a silent one, he led us in a probing history of our pasts which allowed me to really scrutinize my part in this hurtful situation in which I was holding resentments against myself and my baby son’s father.

I discovered that, in the beginning of our relationship, I did not have any respect or concern for his feelings. He told me he didn’t want to have children, and I thought that somehow things would work out even if I did get pregnant. I thought he would rise to the occasion and be a good father anyway. I did not consider that he could really be serious about not wanting children. So my fault was in not respecting his wishes. I never believed in using birth control so I should have ended the relationship then and there, but I didn’t. I confessed this sin because in the end it did cause him hurt and emotional turmoil, the extent of which I am unaware.

During the four months of our son’s life he did not prove to be a loving father and this was evidenced to me by various things he would say, as well as just a general annoyed attitude he kept towards our son.

I owed it to my son to leave his father, for I did fear for my son’s safety. However, I didn’t have a faith that was strong enough to leave, while at the same time I had been convinced by Thomas telling me that no one would help me. I thought he was right. It really did seem that there was no one. We were isolated, living in the country and I had lost touch with friends and family because they didn’t approve of our relationship.

The priest I went to for Confession during the retreat was a Jesuit too (though as far as I am aware, he was not a psychiatrist or a psychologist). During the confession I told him the above. I told him that by my not ending the relationship, I hurt a lot of people. Specifically, myself, my family, and most of all, my son and his father.

The priest told me to go sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament (they were having adoration in the afternoon) and to ask Jesus to allow my son to hear my apology and for Thomas to hear my apology. He also absolved me from my sins which, anyone who gets absolution in the Sacrament of Confession, will experience as a sort of lightness of being.

That afternoon I went to the Blessed Sacrament that was exposed, and prayed that God would allow my son to hear my apology. I then made my apology. I looked at the Host in the monstrance and saw the outline of a mother holding a baby. I seemed to know it was Mary, the Mother of Jesus, holding my son. I closed my eyes and saw very clearly my son’s face bathed in a warm bright light. He had the greatest smile on his face, and I knew now he knows no sorrow, only continual joy. I knew my little baby boy had forgiven me.

I then asked God to allow Thomas to hear my sorrowful apology for not considering his feelings and wants. ...... I made my apology, understanding that he was listening since Jesus was allowing this. For just a second my mind wandered to the thought, ........... "I wonder if Thomas did something to hurt our son and if he will end up in Hell". Immediately I heard a man’s voice around my right ear whom I am sure was the voice of Jesus. He said, "That’s between me and him." ... I became so aware of my judging Thomas and that I had overstepped my boundaries there. I thought of what a frightening thing that can be, to make God’s business of justice my own.

I left the spiritual exercise feeling deep gratitude and joy for Christ truly present in the Eucharistic Host. Also, I felt deep appreciation for the priests He uses to guide us and direct us on our souls’ journeys.
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"In many ways, Our Lord, is calling us to worship and receive Him in the Eucharist. He speaks this desire in many ways: through the Pope and the Magisterium of the Church, in the Bible (John chapter 6), through his Blessed Mother in approved Marian apparitions, through the testimonies of Saints and Martyrs, through Eucharistic miracles, through Church approved messages given by Jesus by Divine Revelation, through our souls who long for Jesus in Communion, and through our suffering world which is in much need of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. Unfortunately many of us disbelieve or have grown indifferent towards Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament." .......... (From THE REAL PRESENCE )

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Paragraph 174 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

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"The mode of Christ's presence under the Eucharistic species is unique. It raises the Eucharist above all the sacraments as "the perfection of the spiritual life and the end to which all sacraments tend." In the most blessed sacrament of the Eucharist "the body and blood, together with the soul and divinity, of our Lord Jesus Christ and, therefore, the whole Christ is truly, really, and substantially contained." "This presence is called 'real' - by which is not intended to exclude the other types of presence as if they could not be 'real' too, but because it is presence in the fullest sense: that is to say, it is a substantial presence by which Christ, God and man, makes himself wholly and entirely present."

*Husband-Wife DATE to CONFESSIONAL?*

A TRUE STORY

[Husband says to wife:]

"Honey!" ... "Excuse me!"

[Wife replies:]

"Yes, husband." ..... "Are you talking to me?" ... "Are you talking to 'ME'! ... "What do you want now?" ... "You know you've been absolutely driving me 'crazy' lately and I've had just about enough of you! ... So tell me. What precisely is it you want from me now? ... I suppose you want me to wash your clothes, feed you food, wash your dishes, fold your clothes and clean up after you again!" ... I tell you, between you and those kids you forced me to bring into the world, I am so 'MAD' that I could 'CHEW NAILS'! ... One more word from you mister, and I 'SWEAR' I will run out of this house 'SCREAMING'!!!"

[Husband clears his throat. Nervously he speaks further:]

"Oh, it's nothing dear. I just thought you and I would have some time alone together." ... "You know, ... Mmmm ... Like go on a 'date" or something." ... "What do you think? Would you like to go on a 'date' with me??!!!" ...

[Wife:] A date? ... You said you want to go on a 'DATE'!!!' ... "Are you completely 'CRAZY'!!!!!!!" ... "Being seen with you on a 'DATE' is the "LAST" thing I "EVER" want to do!!!"

[Courageously husband says:] Well, darling, I was just praying the rosary (You know the one you bought me for my birthday?) and I thought you and I would go get some coffee together and sit alone for a while. Perhaps then you can tell me in more detail how your day is going!

(I told you this husband was "courageous!)

[Husband:] Oh, yes. ... One more thing. ... I thought we would stop off at the church before we go on our, MMmmmm, "date". ... You see, it's Saturday and our priest is offering the Sacrament of Reconciliation." (Confession) ... "Honey, I know we've hurt each other lately with words we've said and not said. Also, that we've hurt each other in things we've done and not done." ... "Well, sweetheart. I tell you what. I'll go in the Confessional and talk to the priest first. Yes, I've got things I need to tell him I've done wrong. Afterwards, if you wish, you can have your turn.

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This "does" happen you know. We Catholics get criticized a lot for kneeling at certain times, standing at certain times, making the sign of the cross with holy water at certain times, and attending elaborate Mass as often as we can. ... There are feast days, times of fasting, garments worn at certain times and so on. But what many non-catholics don't realize, there is meaning in every tradition, every procedure, every prayer, every nuance. Many of these activities dating back "hundreds" of years (if not thousands). Every detail is a symbol, a "form of worship" if you will. Honorable and sacred approaches to our Heavenly Father.

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My point is this. To a good Catholic man, to a good Catholic woman, when you say, "It is time to go to Confession", the shirts come on and the shoes are laced. Everybody gets in the car, and off they go!!!" ... Then, in the moving of the lips and speaking to a man across the room (a man who's role and duty in life is to be a priest) a practising Catholic who is "worth his salt" (so to speak) confesses what he or she has done wrong in life, even if making that confession is difficult.

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[Confessing sins in your head can be easier than confessing to God in front of a human being!] ... "This", my friend, is a great and ancient psychology. A "therapy" actually (to say the least). ... I will venture to say (speaking as a psychotherapist myself), attending Confession can be as productive and emotionally exhilarating as some professional therapies. - Not to mention "cheaper!"

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The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

1440 (a): "Sin is before all else an offense against God, a rupture of communion with him. At the same time it damages communion with the Church. ..."

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1441 (a): "Only God forgives sins. Since he is the Son of God, Jesus says of himself, "The Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" and exercises this divine power: "Your sins are forgiven. ..."

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1442: "Christ has willed that in her prayer and life and action his whole Church should be the sign and instrument of the forgiveness and reconciliation that he acquired for us at the price of his blood. But he entrusted the exercise of the power of absolution to the apostolic ministry which he charged with the "ministry of reconciliation." The apostle is sent out "on behalf of Christ" with "God making his appeal" through him and pleading: "Be reconciled to God.""

** How Bad Things Happen ("Scandal") **

No person ever just sets out in life to be "bad". A robber never robs, a killer never kills, a man or woman never insults or lies, entirely for the purpose to be "mean".

Think about it. In all of history, no human has ever harmed another human consciously, in any way, merely for the sake of inflicting pain. No, in every experience of destruction, conflict, death and heartache, there has always been a "cause" fabricated in the mind of the wrongdoer to render havoc on every level.

I mean literally, there is always a "cause".

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Hitler convinced an army that murdering millions and millions of innocent men, women and children, was well founded for the sake of creating a dominant "Arian Race", and his misdirected rant that the "Jews killed Jesus". Then he influenced an entire nation to take on the world, by placing Polish uniforms on German soldiers, faking an attack by Poland on Germany, thus provoking the events of World War II.

We can go on and on without end. Throughout the annals of human history. ... Cain had his cause for murdering Abel, then roamed the earth with a mark of a wrong doer. Moses had his cause for throwing down and destroying the stone tablets, and was denied for himself entrance into the long awaited Promised Land. The Pharisees had their reason for demanding the crucifixion of Christ. Yet at the moment of the crucifixion of our Lord, the earth quaked, the Temple curtain was rent from top to bottom. God wept, the angels marveled, souls were were received into heaven, and these bellowing Pharisees will forever be referred to as hypocrites, whitewashed tombs, a brood of vipers making proselytes twice as greater children of hell as themselves. (Matthew 23)

*** (Here is a photo of my son, Justin, who I love so much!!!!!)

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Yet, my point in this post is this. The reason your relationships with people are sometimes difficult and confusing, is because at times when you give thoughtful consideration to do what is right, "right" will be distorted by someone to appear "wrong", then with further manipulation by that someone, "wrong" will be made to appear "right".

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Basically, we contrive a false premise to do the wrong we do, so that while doing that wrong we can feel, even with enthusiasm, that we are right. ... Right to hate, right to judge, right to lie, right to speak badly of our parents, our neighbors, our boss, our husband, our wife ... even feeling right to kill, - when the killing is not for the sake of the helpless, but for the sake of our own selfish purposes and desires.

There is a word for this. It is the word "Scandal" (or the act of being "scandalous"). A psychology of devious manipulation. Creating conspiracy where no conspiracy exists, that silently but remarkably has serious repercussions on our homes, families and churches in the most personal of intimate relationships.

In very specific ways a husband can be scandalous to his wife, a wife can be scandalous to her husband, parents can be scandalous to their children, and children can be scandalous to their parents.

For now, let us consider the words of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

(2284) "Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor's tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense."

(2285) "Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: 'Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.' (Matthew 18:6) ..."

(2287) "Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!" (Luke 17:1)

** Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape **

The Catechism Of The Catholic Church states:

"Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them". (Paragraph 2356)

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It is like a rabbit that is chased by a fox or wolves. The rabbit was made by God to run rapidly, but when cornered, and no place else to run, the mind of the little animal shuts down, it stops working. It is not that the rabbit resigns itself to the fate of destruction. No. Instead the tiny creature no longer resists, while its mind stops processing the event that is happening. For in the beginning, God did not make the mind to absorb trauma, insisting that it make sense or endure the event of it's own destruction.

The same is true for adults and children raped and incested. Not knowing how to make sense of what's happened to them, the delicate soft personality of the one abused, made remarkably in God's image, fractures, implodes upon itself. Creating, as it were, a "compartment" inside the one traumatized. This "compartmentalization" is more than a suppression of feelings, a repression of emotions (i.e.,shame, fear, humiliation, loneliness, despair). ... It is more dramatically a suppression of an "entire event". ..... A little girl or boy locked in a closet by no wish of their own. Forced to stay there, alone and feeling blamed, keeping their mouth shut for a lifetime quite possibly. Burying the secret, living a lie, going on with life as if life would somehow make sense afterwards.

Has this happened to you? If so, I am certain you have wondered in your heart, "Why did God let this happen?" ... and ... "Where was God when this happened to me?"

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For now let me say this to you. When God made you in the beautiful way you are dear one, God did not make you so that you would be violated in this way. On the contrary, He made you to be cherished, loved and protected.

Then where was our Lord when this terrible injustice was done (and maybe done over and over)??? ..... Listen to me. God was there with you and He wept. If you were too frightened to cry, then He cried for both of you.

And it was not your fault. Mary our Mother, all the saints and angels, the Triune Person of God Himself, knows intimately every dynamic of trauma psychology that echoed through your hurting soul the instant you were wronged, then blamed for the wrong by the perpetrator who took no responsibility.

Take care of yourself. You are "not" living a lie. Christ Himself was raped and mocked before he was nailed to a cross. He knows how you feel.

Finally, as to the closet, the "compartment" the child inside you sits inside, frightened and alone. Remember what Jesus said In Revelation 3:20-22 ...

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

The Adam And Eve Syndrom (Destruction Of Marital Oneness)

When God made Adam and Eve, they were One. Eve was made from Adam's rib. In their original relationship they were not self-conscious of their bodies, and they had all they needed. Together they "walked with God in the cool of the day." But of course, there was one thing God told Adam and Eve not to do. They were not to eat of the "fruit of the knowledge of good and evil."

Then one day Satan appeared as a serpent to Eve. Basically he said to her, "Eve, God does not want you to eat of the fruit of this tree, because He knows the day you eat of this fruit, you will be like Him, knowing good and evil!"

Now, the serpent was very beautiful, and this had an influence on Eve. After that , Eve took of the fruit, then brought the forbidden fruit to Adam. Adam ate of the fruit also, as together they both realized they were naked in their self-consciousness and shame.

Later, God came walking in the garden and He called for Adam and Eve who then hid from Him. It was discovered that the two had taken fig leaves to cover their nakedness. God then asked of them, "Did you eat of the fruit that I told you not to eat?" At which point Adam responded, "It was the woman you gave me that gave me of the fruit and I did eat!"

In that instant, something specific separated Adam and Eve from their close relationship with God. And that separation from God, thus each other, remains a problem to this day for we who are the descendants of our first father and mother in the flesh. Before their sin, Adam and Eve were naked, but felt no shame. After the sin, they saw their nakedness, and tried to cover their shame with fig leaves.

Let's put it this way. ... If Adam had only told Eve after she had eaten of the fruit: "Honey," ... "No," ... "Remember what God said." ... "He told us we could eat of all the fruit in the garden, but not the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil." ... "Now, Eve, you go put the fruit back, and everything will be OK!" ... "I know you were deceived by the beautiful serpent, but I will protect you by not eating of the fruit myself!"

If Adam had done this, he would have had a moral authority to lovingly stand before God without shame on Eve's behalf. If Adam had not eaten of the fruit, but had instead spoken to God justly on behalf of both of them, God would have helped the two grow by the experience, and they would have both stayed in Eden in continued, close relationship with Him.

But remember, it was to "Adam" that God had originally given the command, "Do not eat this fruit or you will surely die. ...". And it was "Adam" who was not deceived at the time he ate of the fruit. This means that in the instant Adam said to God, "The woman You gave me, gave me of the fruit and I did eat." Adam was clear in his mind as he attempted to convince God that Eve was the one who was to blame for the sin, and that he was innocent!

In this Blog, Catholic Psychology, we will take strides, step by step, to articulate details of sound emotional and spiritual psychology for the sake of our own personal relationships today. To begin this endeavor, although there are many areas from which one could begin, our starting point will be that of addressing contributions of the first male, Adam, to the diseased, sad, painful, "psychology" passed down to the human race from the act of sin. The reactions of Eve to Adam in her dysfunctional responses of sin will follow, and we will unfold personal application to our own lives in the present.


Notice The Progression Of Events Regarding Eve:

(1) Eve was deceived when she ate of the fruit. She ate the fruit without forethought. It was done by her on impulse. She was influenced by the beauty and enticing words of the serpent.

(2) When God said to her, "Did you eat of the fruit that I told you not to eat?" Eve's answer was honest and truthful: "I was deceived by the serpent, and I did eat!"

(3) No words in the Genesis account suggests at the time that Eve blamed her husband in order to appear innocent.


In Contrast, Notice The Progression Of Events Regarding Adam:

(1) Adam was "not" deceived at the moment that he ate of the fruit. He was clear in his mind with genius intellect, and understood with forethought what he was doing when he ate the forbidden fruit.

(2) When God finally asked Adam, "Did you eat of the fruit I told you not to eat?" Adam's reply was dishonest. A statement that concealed his personal responsibility was: "It was the woman You gave me, that gave of the fruit, and I did eat!"

(3) At the time of his misdeed, Adam, clearly realized the vulnerable position of his wife. Still he chose not to lovingly advocate for her before God. Instead Adam took advantage of Eve's vulnerable position by eating of the fruit by her hand, then blamed her, his wife, as he claimed innocense at her expense before God.


This, only a beginning of a Catholic Psychology, sounds as a siren to what has happened ever since our first parents, from generation to generation, and the siren of facts continue to this day.

"That as Adam used Eve in his calculated rebellion against God, so also do men in sin today use women in their current rebellion against God." ... "Then, as Eve was deceived, so women today are deceived, responding sinfully to the sinful use they experience by men in sin."

In only one scenario that is lived day after day, a man promises a woman love. Only later the woman discovers that the love that was promised was not love, but instead, the experience of being "used". In pain and disappointment, in the end, the woman has nothing to hold on to but her anger of the man who promised her love, but left her abandoned, cold and lonely.

Finally some women cheapen themselves, thinking it is what men want. While deep down the hearts of these women silently cry for what they really were made for: Love, Respect and Basic Appreciation.

Then other women become the "men" in their homes. These women try being "men" in their homes, because the men in their homes have either left, or refuse to stand up as "real men", and love their women and children in those homes the way God made them to be loved by men.

Obviously, we have more to discuss later regarding Catholic Psychology. Post by post. Your comments, contributions, even challenges will be considered. However, through God, the Holy Trinity, the Bible, the Family of the Church, the Sacred Sacraments, and much more, there is a Spirituality, a Psychology, of gentle guidance and healing. May God be with us in this journey of learning and personal application through the Holy Spirit.

To end at this time, however, consider the following from the Roman Catholic Catechism:

1610 ... the law given to Moses aims at protecting the wife from arbitrary domination by the husband, even though according to the Lord's words it still carries traces of man's "hardness of heart" which was the reason Moses permitted men to divorce their wives.101

1611 Seeing God's covenant with Israel in the image of exclusive and faithful married love, the prophets prepared the Chosen People's conscience for a deepened understanding of the unity and indissolubility of marriage.102 The books of Ruth and Tobit bear moving witness to an elevated sense of marriage and to the fidelity and tenderness of spouses. Tradition has always seen in the Song of Solomon a unique expression of human love, insofar as it is a reflection of God's love - a love "strong as death" that "many waters cannot quench."103

What Catholics Believe About Marriage (Part One)

There are Catholics who have stopped living their faith. Some have become comfortable with what the world offers them. Catholocism is a "culture" to them. Something they grew up under, but ignoring what was said to them. This has convinced others that Christian Catholics are hypocritics, believing in only "works" for salvation. The Church is rediculed, called too traditional, religious and without faith. ..... How they are so mistaken.

For we many Catholics who "are" serious about what we believe, let us read with our husbands and wives the purposes and means of our marital vocations as stated in the remarkable Catechism of our Faith:
(Note: This is prelude for where we're headed in our exhaustive discussion of Catholic Psychology in relation to the many circumstances that threaten peace and stability in our marriages and homes.)

1601 "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament."84

1603 "The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of marriage."87 The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes. ...

1604 "... Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. ..."

1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that the man should be alone."92 The woman, "flesh of his flesh," his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help.93 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."94 The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been "in the beginning": "So they are no longer two, but one flesh."95

1606 Every man experiences evil around him and within himself. This experience makes itself felt in the relationships between man and woman. Their union has always been threatened by discord, a spirit of domination, infidelity, jealousy, and conflicts that can escalate into hatred and separation. This disorder can manifest itself more or less acutely, and can be more or less overcome according to the circumstances of cultures, eras, and individuals, but it does seem to have a universal character.

1607 According to faith the disorder we notice so painfully does not stem from the nature of man and woman, nor from the nature of their relations, but from sin. As a break with God, the first sin had for its first consequence the rupture of the original communion between man and woman. Their relations were distorted by mutual recriminations;96 their mutual attraction, the Creator's own gift, changed into a relationship of domination and lust;97 and the beautiful vocation of man and woman to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth was burdened by the pain of childbirth and the toil of work.98

1608 Nevertheless, the order of creation persists, though seriously disturbed. To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them.99 Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them "in the beginning."

1609 In his mercy God has not forsaken sinful man. The punishments consequent upon sin, "pain in childbearing" and toil "in the sweat of your brow,"100 also embody remedies that limit the damaging effects of sin. After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving.

1610 ... the law given to Moses aims at protecting the wife from arbitrary domination by the husband, even though according to the Lord's words it still carries traces of man's "hardness of heart" which was the reason Moses permitted men to divorce their wives.101

1611 Seeing God's covenant with Israel in the image of exclusive and faithful married love, the prophets prepared the Chosen People's conscience for a deepened understanding of the unity and indissolubility of marriage.102 The books of Ruth and Tobit bear moving witness to an elevated sense of marriage and to the fidelity and tenderness of spouses. Tradition has always seen in the Song of Solomon a unique expression of human love, insofar as it is a reflection of God's love - a love "strong as death" that "many waters cannot quench."103

1614 ... The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."107

1615 This unequivocal insistence on the indissolubility of the marriage bond may have left some perplexed and could seem to be a demand impossible to realize. However, Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy - heavier than the Law of Moses.108 By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to "receive" the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.109 This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ's cross, the source of all Christian life.

1616 This is what the Apostle Paul makes clear when he says: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her," adding at once: "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church."110

1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath.111 which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant..112

1620 Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself. It is he who gives them meaning and grants them the grace which is indispensable for living them out in conformity with his will.117 Esteem of virginity for the sake of the kingdom118 and the Christian understanding of marriage are inseparable, and they reinforce each other:

1621 In the Latin Rite the celebration of marriage between two Catholic faithful normally takes place during Holy Mass, because of the connection of all the sacraments with the Paschal mystery of Christ.120 In the Eucharist the memorial of the New Covenant is realized, the New Covenant in which Christ has united himself for ever to the Church, his beloved bride for whom he gave himself up.121 It is therefore fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and the same Blood of Christ, they may form but "one body" in Christ.122

1624 The various liturgies abound in prayers of blessing and epiclesis asking God's grace and blessing on the new couple, especially the bride. In the epiclesis of this sacrament the spouses receive the Holy Spirit as the communion of love of Christ and the Church.124 The Holy Spirit is the seal of their covenant, the ever available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity.

1638 "From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament."140

1639 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.141 From their covenant arises "an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society."142 The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God's covenant with man: "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love."143

1640 Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God's fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.144