Sex That Is Meaningful

"One cannot speak of human sex without speaking of love. When speaking of love, however, we should remember that it is a specifically human phenomenon. And we must see to it that it is preserved in its humanness, rather than treated in a reductionistic way. ... Human sex is always more than mere sex, and it is more than sex to the extent that it serves as the physical expression of something metasexual, ... the physical expression of love. Only to the extent that sex carries out this function is it a really rewarding experience." (Viktor E. Frankl, The Unheard Cry for Meaning: Psychotherapy and Humanism, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1978, pp. 79-80)

Frankl explains that all human sex is not necessarily human, especially if one treats it merely as a means of relieving sexual tensions, either by masturbating or through using a partner as a means to the same end. Such sex is neurotic, the act of someone who uses himself or others compulsively to achieve purely self-centered, narcissistic ends: "...only a neurotic individual is out first and foremost to get rid of his sperma, be it by masturbation or by using the partner as just another means to the same end." (Ibid., p. 81)

For Frankl, love means the grasping or comprehending of the unique existence or being of another. In the sexual context, grasping the uniqueness of a loved one by definition would lead to a monogamous commitment, because no other could replace the loved one whose special identity is being deeply felt. In contrast, promiscuity means ignoring the other's uniqueness, because several partners are seen as interchangeable. Promiscuity means being content with the partner as an object, not a person:

"Since only that sex which is embedded in love can be really rewarding and satisfactory, the quality of the sexual life of such an individual is poor. Small wonder, then, that he tries to compensate for this lack of quality with quantity. This, in turn, requires an ever increased and intensified stimulation, as is provided, for one, by pornography." (Ibid.)

Frankl points out the hypocrisy in considering sexual promiscuity and pornography as "progressive" since they are in reality symptoms of retardation in one's sexual maturation, signs of a dehumanizing alienation, frustrating the human search for meaning:

"In the existential vacuum resulting from this ..., the sexual libido hypertrophies, and it is this hypertrophy that brings about the inflation of sex. Like any other kind of inflation ..." (as in the money market) "sexual inflation is associated with a devaluation; sex is devaluated inasmuch as it is dehumanized. Thus, we observe a trend to living a sexual life that is not integrated into one's personal life, but rather is lived out for the sake of pleasure. Such depersonalization of sex is a symptom of existential frustration: the frustration of man's search for meaning."
(Ibid., p. 82)

In summary, note the following conclusions for we who are practicing Catholics:

(1) Human sexuality includes the intimate loving relationship of discovering the God-given sacred uniqueness of another human being. To do anything less, stops it from being so.

(2) Sexual preoccupation with more than one person, establishes that people are interchangeable. In experience, it translates the person that is loved into an object, not a person, to relieve sexual tension on impulse.

(3) Because this kind of sexual relationship is less human, it is also less satisfying. Having less "quality", it pursues greater "quantity". In the end, it increases frustration, and on all levels makes the relationship far less than what it could have been.

(4) Sex for the mere purpose of relieving sexual tension, by oneself or with the use of another, is neurotic and self-centered (narcissistic).

(5) Human sexuality is the deeply personal and enjoyable experience of sacrifice and need of one individual of the opposite gender for a lifetime. Together, if possible, the two bring other souls into the world to worship God for eternity.

I think perhaps all of us have failed in this area, on one level or another, consciously or subconsciously. Let us understand, the consequences are sadly so greatly harming to the very one, as well as other people we love.

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)

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(Viktor Emil Frankl, M.D., Ph.D., (March 26, 1905 - September 2, 1997) was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist. Frankl was the founder of logotherapy and Existential Analysis, the "Third Viennese School" of psychotherapy. His book Man's Search for Meaning (first published in 1946) chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate and describes his psychotherapeutic method of finding meaning in all forms of existence, even the most sordid ones, and thus a reason to continue living. He was one of the key figures in existential therapy.)