"A psychology of compassion, strength, insight and truth for a world in need of emotional healing."
Saturday
Parent Digest (a Blog also by Jim Hogue)
This is to introduce another one of my blogs: PARENT DIGEST .
I have worked for years with teens and children with problem behaviors and/ or users of drugs. The following is a growing list of videos that are available as a portion of assignments to families I'm counseling. Readers to "Catholic Psychology Blogspot" are also welcome to access this valuable video collection. (In parenthesis you find the length of each video in minutes and seconds.)
* Dealing With Deception And Lies (3:33)
* How To Discipline Teenagers (2:41)
* Causes Of Compusions And Addiction (32:22)
* Kids Who Say "Don't Drink!" (6:21)
* Daughter Having Sex With Boyfriend (Help!) (2:27)
* Why A Daughter Needs A Dad (2:12)
* House Of Tiny Terrors!!! (2:53)
* Marijuana (What Many Teens Think) (22:22)
* What Age To Begin Consequences (1:51)
* The Teenager's Brain (7:12)
* Have Kids Changed, - or Parents? (4:55)
* "I'm Afraid To Let Others Help Me Parent!!!" (1:49)
* How To Not Spoil Your Kid (1:26)
* Tolerating Poor Behavior? (4:38)
* Daughter Cutting Herself (Help!) (2:11)
* "Is My Kid Too Old To Control?" (2:44)
* Consequences (to Drugs and Alcohol) (10:00)
* Prescription Drug Abuse (60:00)
* Marijuana (The Facts) (60:00)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [1 of 4] (5:22)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [2 of 4] (7:08)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [3 of 4] (7:46)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [4 of 4] (9:08)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [1 of 3] (7:39)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [2 of 3] (9:35)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [3 of 3] (8:06)
* Using Consequences (4:45)
* Creating Boundaries (4:17)
* Warning Signs Of Drug Use (2:06)
* Introduction To Alcohol And Drug Use (3:04)
* Protective Parenting (1:31)
* Parenting style (2:57)
* Adolescent Development (3:47)
I have worked for years with teens and children with problem behaviors and/ or users of drugs. The following is a growing list of videos that are available as a portion of assignments to families I'm counseling. Readers to "Catholic Psychology Blogspot" are also welcome to access this valuable video collection. (In parenthesis you find the length of each video in minutes and seconds.)
* Dealing With Deception And Lies (3:33)
* How To Discipline Teenagers (2:41)
* Causes Of Compusions And Addiction (32:22)
* Kids Who Say "Don't Drink!" (6:21)
* Daughter Having Sex With Boyfriend (Help!) (2:27)
* Why A Daughter Needs A Dad (2:12)
* House Of Tiny Terrors!!! (2:53)
* Marijuana (What Many Teens Think) (22:22)
* What Age To Begin Consequences (1:51)
* The Teenager's Brain (7:12)
* Have Kids Changed, - or Parents? (4:55)
* "I'm Afraid To Let Others Help Me Parent!!!" (1:49)
* How To Not Spoil Your Kid (1:26)
* Tolerating Poor Behavior? (4:38)
* Daughter Cutting Herself (Help!) (2:11)
* "Is My Kid Too Old To Control?" (2:44)
* Consequences (to Drugs and Alcohol) (10:00)
* Prescription Drug Abuse (60:00)
* Marijuana (The Facts) (60:00)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [1 of 4] (5:22)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [2 of 4] (7:08)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [3 of 4] (7:46)
* Electronic Game Addiction? [4 of 4] (9:08)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [1 of 3] (7:39)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [2 of 3] (9:35)
* Bill Cosby On Parenting [3 of 3] (8:06)
* Using Consequences (4:45)
* Creating Boundaries (4:17)
* Warning Signs Of Drug Use (2:06)
* Introduction To Alcohol And Drug Use (3:04)
* Protective Parenting (1:31)
* Parenting style (2:57)
* Adolescent Development (3:47)
Thursday
Last Rites / Anointing of the Sick
This is a beautiful story by Aimee Milburn of Historical Christian, regarding her brother Mark, his death, and how the Catholic Sacrament of "Last Rites" played such a vital role in both of their lives. In her own words she writes the following:
Mark was born just 17 months ahead of me, and we grew up together, one grade apart in school. We fought like cats and dogs when we were little, but by the time we got into high school we realized we could be allies against mom and dad, and became friends.
It was a pretty free-wheeling time, the sexual revolution was in full swing, and I decided I was a liberated feminist, and my brother decided he was gay. We both embarked on our respective free-wheeling lifestyles, my brother plunging into the gay lifestyle. We traded stories with each other, commiserated about relationships, went dancing together when we got old enough to get into clubs, and traveled together. We really had some adventures, and I loved my brother dearly.
This was before anybody had heard of AIDS, but within a few years we did hear about it. And one Christmas afternoon I received a phone call I will never forget: my brother, telling me he had contracted the virus. I was 25. I knew my brother had just received a death sentence. I cried that night like I’d never cried before.
As it turns out, my brother was a long-term survivor, lived 15 years with the disease. During those years I lived in different parts of the country, but we stayed in touch, carried on long talks on the phone, and always sent each other $20 on our birthdays. One year I received a $20 bill on which he had written, “This is the $20 bill we always exchange on our birthdays.” I kept it, still have it packed away somewhere.
I always told my brother during those years that if he really got sick and it looked like the end was coming, I’d move back and help him, and be with him when he died. He managed to stay somewhat healthy for several years, with the help of drugs and good diet, but gradually he declined. He went on full disability for a few more years, but hated it, so developed hobbies to stay busy. He turned his entire front yard into a flower garden, filling it with rose bushes and giant sunflowers and all kinds of other flowers. He filled his apartment with plants and aquariums.
Finally, one day I got a call from my parents that Mark had gone into a real decline, and it wasn’t clear how long he would last. I was living in Seattle, a place I loved with a job and a community I loved, but I resigned the job and moved back home, to help my brother and be with him when he died, as I always said I would.
Continue reading "The Death of my Brother, and Hope" »
Mark was born just 17 months ahead of me, and we grew up together, one grade apart in school. We fought like cats and dogs when we were little, but by the time we got into high school we realized we could be allies against mom and dad, and became friends.
It was a pretty free-wheeling time, the sexual revolution was in full swing, and I decided I was a liberated feminist, and my brother decided he was gay. We both embarked on our respective free-wheeling lifestyles, my brother plunging into the gay lifestyle. We traded stories with each other, commiserated about relationships, went dancing together when we got old enough to get into clubs, and traveled together. We really had some adventures, and I loved my brother dearly.
This was before anybody had heard of AIDS, but within a few years we did hear about it. And one Christmas afternoon I received a phone call I will never forget: my brother, telling me he had contracted the virus. I was 25. I knew my brother had just received a death sentence. I cried that night like I’d never cried before.
As it turns out, my brother was a long-term survivor, lived 15 years with the disease. During those years I lived in different parts of the country, but we stayed in touch, carried on long talks on the phone, and always sent each other $20 on our birthdays. One year I received a $20 bill on which he had written, “This is the $20 bill we always exchange on our birthdays.” I kept it, still have it packed away somewhere.
I always told my brother during those years that if he really got sick and it looked like the end was coming, I’d move back and help him, and be with him when he died. He managed to stay somewhat healthy for several years, with the help of drugs and good diet, but gradually he declined. He went on full disability for a few more years, but hated it, so developed hobbies to stay busy. He turned his entire front yard into a flower garden, filling it with rose bushes and giant sunflowers and all kinds of other flowers. He filled his apartment with plants and aquariums.
Finally, one day I got a call from my parents that Mark had gone into a real decline, and it wasn’t clear how long he would last. I was living in Seattle, a place I loved with a job and a community I loved, but I resigned the job and moved back home, to help my brother and be with him when he died, as I always said I would.
Continue reading "The Death of my Brother, and Hope" »
Saturday
The Teenager's Brain (Not Yet Complete!)
Have you ever wondered why it is sometimes difficult to get a teenager to listen and do what you want him to do? Have you ever wondered why it is often best to not entirely leave an adolescent alone to make his or her decisions? Well, watch this video and the proof will become very clear to you. It makes me think of Proverbs 22:6 ...
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I mean, literally, there are "Neronic Pathways" permanently formed in the organicity of your kid's brain matter, as you do what that Bible tells you to do in training him!!!
(NOTE: The Frontal Lobe Cortex of the brain of young men and women do not mature to full growth for functional decsion-making until about ages 22-24.)
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I mean, literally, there are "Neronic Pathways" permanently formed in the organicity of your kid's brain matter, as you do what that Bible tells you to do in training him!!!
(NOTE: The Frontal Lobe Cortex of the brain of young men and women do not mature to full growth for functional decsion-making until about ages 22-24.)
Thursday
Finding Purpose in Life ("The Station")
As fish in a pond, describing something outside ourselves is impossible for us to do. Yet, God looks in on time and sees our lives from beginning to end.
We, however, being mortal, possess only one thing, that is this moment. The past is not here, it has already gone. The future is not real, for it is beyond our reach and may never arrive. The only thing that is real to us, is this moment, and only that which is in this moment.
Too often we think of a "made up" future we invent with our minds, but actually, this made up future does not exist in the real world. We do this, sometimes feverishly, while the moment that is real eludes us.
The past is not here, to us, it has already left. Still we think on it and think on it, as if the past were now with us. It is not.
All that is real is what is in this moment. The sensation of feeling the chair we sit in. Awareness of the air we breathe. The experience of realizing thirst, then quinching that thirst in the moment, with cool, clean life-giving water.
And it is in this moment that God is on His throne. We are not seated on that throone, neither should we be.
How do we do this? I mean, give command of our lives to a Higher Power? It is by staying in the moment, knowing that our Creator promises to give us what we need to survive, to thrive, completely, but only one moment at a time. Then it is in the moment that we see opportunities to love where love is needed. Only then, in each moment, do we see what is beautiful, beauty we would normaly miss by being busy in our heads.
We don't need to save the world. God is busy doing that. We need only take in life as it comes, and thus, let God do His work through us, each moment. Only then can we perform acts of kindness that we would otherwise fail to attain.
And, oh yes, this God loves us more than our minds in this life can possibly conceive.
Bill Cosby on Parenting
In North America so many of us value Bill Cosby as a person, not only for his marvelous humor for decades. One thing that is interesting in this video presentation of Mr. Cosby speaking at the coronation of a mission for children, is when he says he thinks churches should remain open at all costs, and be always available to answer the perplexing questions of young people. Also interesting about this talk by Bill Cosby, is the context of his humor, yet good advise, having experienced the murder of his own son several years ago.
Wednesday
Moral Compass Examination for Couples
The following "Moral-Compass-Examination- for-Couples" is not the creation of "Catholic Psychology Blogspot", but is solely to be credited to Susan Vogt, MA, CFLE at the valuable Christian internet website "For Your Marriage" . I place Counselor Susan Vogt's statements and examination here to call complete attention to this much needed testing instrument. For access to the examination in PDF, click on "Do The Two Of You Have The Same Moral Compass?".
"Couples don't have to always agree on what color to paint the kitchen, but disagreeing on when to have a baby or whether both spouses should work outside the home are decisions of values and conscience. If it's a matter of morality, the rule of thumb is to not violate the stricter partner's conscience."
*********
Circle the number that best reflects how much you care about the following moral issues:
(The scale is from 1 to 5. Beginning with "Don't Care", "Some What", then number "5" is "Very Important".)
1. Attending religious services religiously, i.e. weekly. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
2. Raising our children in a religious faith. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
3. Have our children attend religious schools even if it's a financial hardship. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
4. Having our children attend a religious education program if they don't go to a religious school. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
5. Donating a portion of our income (ideally a tithe of 10%) to charity. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
6. Planning our family in accordance with church teaching. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
7. Having one parent at home while the children are young. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
8. Paying our legitimate taxes even if others do not. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
9. Caring for the environment by doing things like recycling, avoiding excessive packaging, minimizing car use, composting ... ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
10. Taking good care of my physical health through eating nutritious foods, exercising, notsmoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol or drugs. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
11. Living simply, avoiding undo consumption and a luxurious lifestyle. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
12. Live within our means. If our means are great, then our moral responsibility is to use our excess to help others. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
13. Being responsive to my spouse's requests for sexual intimacy. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
14. Being an active citizen, voting, working for political issues or candidates, doing volunteer comunity work, etc.. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
*************
Bonus questions for discussion:
What social and religious causes are you most passionate about?
Politics is grounded in many moral assumptions. What political candidate did you support in the last election? Does your spouse share your politics?
SCORING:
Add up all your points. If your totals vary by:
Less than 15 points: Your moral compasses are very compatible. You may not always be right, but at least you share similar values. Consider if there are many moral issues that call you to become more generous or life-giving.
16 to 49 points: Time to discuss the issues you differ on by more than one number. Try to balance rationalizing away differences with being overly scrupulous.
Over 50 points: You're living on different planets. Talk with a priest or a pastoral counselor soon.
"Couples don't have to always agree on what color to paint the kitchen, but disagreeing on when to have a baby or whether both spouses should work outside the home are decisions of values and conscience. If it's a matter of morality, the rule of thumb is to not violate the stricter partner's conscience."
*********
Circle the number that best reflects how much you care about the following moral issues:
(The scale is from 1 to 5. Beginning with "Don't Care", "Some What", then number "5" is "Very Important".)
1. Attending religious services religiously, i.e. weekly. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
2. Raising our children in a religious faith. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
3. Have our children attend religious schools even if it's a financial hardship. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
4. Having our children attend a religious education program if they don't go to a religious school. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
5. Donating a portion of our income (ideally a tithe of 10%) to charity. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
6. Planning our family in accordance with church teaching. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
7. Having one parent at home while the children are young. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
8. Paying our legitimate taxes even if others do not. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
9. Caring for the environment by doing things like recycling, avoiding excessive packaging, minimizing car use, composting ... ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
10. Taking good care of my physical health through eating nutritious foods, exercising, notsmoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol or drugs. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
11. Living simply, avoiding undo consumption and a luxurious lifestyle. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
12. Live within our means. If our means are great, then our moral responsibility is to use our excess to help others. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
13. Being responsive to my spouse's requests for sexual intimacy. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
14. Being an active citizen, voting, working for political issues or candidates, doing volunteer comunity work, etc.. ( 1 2 3 4 5 )
*************
Bonus questions for discussion:
What social and religious causes are you most passionate about?
Politics is grounded in many moral assumptions. What political candidate did you support in the last election? Does your spouse share your politics?
SCORING:
Add up all your points. If your totals vary by:
Less than 15 points: Your moral compasses are very compatible. You may not always be right, but at least you share similar values. Consider if there are many moral issues that call you to become more generous or life-giving.
16 to 49 points: Time to discuss the issues you differ on by more than one number. Try to balance rationalizing away differences with being overly scrupulous.
Over 50 points: You're living on different planets. Talk with a priest or a pastoral counselor soon.
Tuesday
Abortion (Post Abortion Distress Symptoms)
Post Abortion Distress Symptoms
(Immediate and/or delayed symptoms may include):
* Anxiety/stress;
* Severe guilt;
* Regret;
* Sadness/sorrow;
* Feelings of loss and emptiness;
* Crying (sometimes for hours or days at a time);
* Depression;
* Inability to concentrate or work;
* Lowered self esteem/self-hatred;
* Desire for secrecy about abortion;
* Nightmares or flashbacks;
* Inability to sustain an intimate relationship;
* Anger or rage;
* Hatred towards anyone connected with the abortion;
* Emotional numbness;
* Severe emotional pain;
* Drug or alcohol abuse;
* Eating disorders;
* Sexual dysfunction (loss of pleasure, frigidity, and/or increased sexual activity);
* Desire to become pregnant again;
* Compulsions to touch or avoid babies;
* Repeat abortions; and
* Suicidal impulses.
(Women may experience some, all, or none of these symptoms. If these symptoms occur or persist, it is important to get help. )
[Taken from the internet site Abortion Concern . ]
Sunday
Parents, Stop Feeling Guilty!!!
Stop feeling guilty parents. As long as you're not breaking the law, nothing says you have to be a "perfect" parent! Just be a PARENT! Speak frankly to your children about what you know to be true, and don't fall for the "guilt trip". Your kids will respect you and love you more for it later.
For short videos of excellent professional teaching on how to deal with problem behavior in children and adolescents, go to my new developing website entitled Parent Digest .
In my counseling practice in Eureka, California, I do much work in the area of changing the behaviors of acting-out youth. Some posts in the future on "Catholic Psychology Blogspot" will address this very important issue in our society.
For now, just know this, in the Ten Commandments it says that a son or daughter is to "honor their father and mother". It says further that this is the one of all the ten commandments that has a promise. That if the kid "does" honor their father and mother, "the rest of their life will go well!" ... Note the commandment does "not" say, for example, to honor your mother, "unless she happened to have gotten up that morning in a bad mood", or, "if she didn't select the best of words when telling you to wash your plate after eating breakfast!!!"
Remember, not only did God give you your child with all that child's uniqueness, so that you will survive and raise that child up to be an adult, but God also gave your child "YOU" as his "PARENT", so that that child will survive "YOU" who are also "UNIQUE"!!! ... Some how this is to prepare that kid for other trials that will come in his or her future ...
Yes, speak the truth to your children. Tell them what they need to hear. They need it. (And don't feel guilty.)
How To Love Those We Live With!!!
.
To All The Mothers...
This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at football games Friday night instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.
.
This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
.
This is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't find their children.
.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and made them homes.
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For all the mothers of the victims of the Colorado shooting, and the mothers of the murderers. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TV's in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
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For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
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What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to School alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
.
The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying?
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This is for all the mothers that sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.
.
This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then reading it again. "Just one more time."
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This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two-year old who wants ice cream before dinner.
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This is for all the mothers who taught their daughters to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
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For all the mothers who bite their lips -- sometimes until they bleed -- when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green. Who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.
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This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
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This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home.
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This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves.
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This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
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This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to school with stomachaches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse and hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
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This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. So hang in there.
.
Please pass along to all the moms in your life. "Home" is what catches you when we fall - and we all fall. PLEASE PASS THIS TO A WONDERFUL MOTHER YOU KNOW.
Author Unknown
Since the writer wanted her message passed along --
We share it with you.
( http://www.butlerwebs.com/holidays/mothersday.htm )
Wednesday
Fearing Life's Monsters (Grown-Up Phobia's)
It is a grave mistake to believe that just because the words "religion", "faith", "prayer" and "God" are used in a sentence, that the sentence is no longer a psychological application and solution for life's problems.
Psychology means "the study of the soul". It was from religion, and particularly from the Bible, that the initial concept of "soul" came to be truly grasped, studied and applied in personal relationships. Shall we throw all this away in the name of theories of our own reasoning?
And what if "making our souls comfortable", with acrobatics of human reason, is merely placing a small "bandaide" on a "gapping wound" in a world that has gone mad!
What if all that we fear today, is a projection of what is our greatest fear, that is, "Will there be a loving God at the end of our lives, who will love our souls and protect us from harm in the events of the coming eternity?"
Perhaps knowing what to do with our souls now; what to do with our thoughts, feelings, desires, hopes and wishes (our psychology), more completely includes knowing there is something beyond psychology, - beyond just ourselves. Maybe then, and only then, do we completely see that the things we fear in life, ... each phobia, each situation, each word, each person, each event, are in fact opportunities to witness the endless ocean of God's love when we turn to Him for strength, love and salvation.
How Big Is God? (Our Source of Wisdom)
For review of this video:
The Milky Way is 588 quadrillion miles across.
There are 50 billion other galaxies in the universe.
At the Pacific Ocean's deepest point, Mt. Everest could be submerged and the summit would still be nearly 2 miles from the surface.
Your body makes and destroys 10 million red blood cells every hour. If that ratio is off 1% your life ends.
It is true that no two snoflakes have ever, or will ever, look alike.
Scientists believe there are 2,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars in the universe. (Note: Our sun is a star, and not among the largest of stars.)
It's estimated as many as 5 million species in the world have yet to be discovered.
The energy in one hurricane is equal to 500,000 atomic bombs.
"Who endowed the heart with wisdom, or gave understanding to the mind? Tell me if you know all this." (Job 38:36)