(***) What I'm referring to began with you when you were little. Already by then God had placed in your little heart, your DNA, strengths and talents. Already the loving Almighty had sculptured the basis to your personality and predestined gifts. But not everyone recognizes what is good about you. Not everyone appreciates your talents, your strengths. Regardless of what you do, or how hard you try, there will always be people who will ignore the good in you, and set out to convince you of what they insist is bad inside you.
(***) Sometimes it is family who does this. Sometimes not. Occasionally it's a friend who "stabs you in the back", then make it look like it's your fault while people race to take sides. Or maybe it's someone you thought was your friend. It can happen in your home, school or church. Anywhere. Painful criticism that is unwarranted and for subverted purposes, can happen when you least expect it, or can always happen and you know it's always present.
(***) Why does this happen? Cruel words. And practically the same stinging judgments that follow you where ever you go for a lifetime! It's like someone can walk into a room of ten people, and out of the ten, it will be "you" and "you alone" who will be criticized for an alleged, specific failing, always!
(***) I remember when I was very young. I actually considered that maybe all of the people in my life had somehow gathered in a room behind my back and held a meeting. There all the children and adults who knew me must have decided how I was bad in one certain way, and they would all at various times of my life make sure I knew it! ... After a while I concluded it could not be. If all those people had ever met to talk about me in that way, some of those people would have had to have driven for great distances, and some how I would have found out about it!
(***) Yet, to accurately understand "why-some-people-dislike-you-the-same-way-always", you must first understand the "reason" people, who are some, say they dislike you. At first you might think these people criticize you because there are legitimate reasons for which you should be criticized. And you might think further that if there are legitimate reasons for some people to dislike you, then perhaps those people accurately select the thing for which you should to be criticized!
(***) If you believe this, you are absolutely incorrect. It turns out that the reason people criticize you, judge you, gossip and blame you unkindly on a particular matter, has nothing to do with you being wrong about anything, but you being right and "they" being wrong about everything.
(***) It's amazing how this works. A wire or battery never reveals the presence of electricity, unless first either conduit supports a positive and a negative. Then instantly, and only in that instant, the positive and the negative electrodes connect and there is powerful sparks that can cause great pain!
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"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings." (Jeremiah 17:19-20)
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"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)
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Several future posts are planned as sequels for this important topic of ..... "Why Some People Dislike You The Same Way Always". Your responses by e-mail in the form of comments, contributions, challenges or appreciation will be valued. Feel free to contact Jim Hogue at: http://www.catholicpsychology@hotmail.com/ .
Love your blog! i think however you could turn your post on its head & ask why do people like you in the same way? i find i like people & thaey like me. Those that don't i just ignore..& i think they are just jealous!
ReplyDeleteYes, Jackie, you have a good point, but maybe some of us are just not as likeable as you are! (Just joking. Well, sort of.) I will ponder your point, however. I am trying to penetrate a specific way so many people think negative about themselves, then are tricked into reacting to other peoples' negativity. (Still, I don't rule out entirely that your point might actually be an answer to everything.) (Jim Hogue)
ReplyDeletei think it's just that certain ways of behaving are often more helpful..ie an interest genuinely in the other, a complimentary & positive way of thinking..i thought it came naturally..but now i look back i think it's hard won. i like 'the Power of positive Thinking'Norman Vincent Peale & ' Stay alive all your life' also 'Mental health through Will training' Abraham Low.. possibly being 'manic-depressive' helps when one is well that is..as often we're a bit 'larger than life' but sadly suffer severe disabling depressions too. Even then though i always felt people liked me..my doctors clearly did & my therapist actually admitted it!
ReplyDeleteHave just printed the prayer of Cardinal Newman..one of my favourites..re physical beauty my therapist said it's been proved the more attractive get better help..is that so? It's not good is it!
If you or your readers ever get chance scroll back on my blog to a much earlier post i called 'Jesus in the Lock-Up '. i'm rambling now.....
God bless
I think you overstate your point. There are people who are evaluated as Extroverted, or insightful or annoying. Sure this has something to do with the one making the evaluation, but it has a LOT to do with the person being evaluated.
ReplyDeleteIf a group of kids say that a certain child is "slob" because they dress like a slob and do a variety of slob-like behaviors, perhaps the child has a problem.
If I turn people off because I am seen as arrogant, it is possible that I am.
It is not always (or even typically) just in the eye of the beholder.
Rob:
ReplyDeleteThank-you for your comment. Yet, allow me please to suggest that after a couple of more posts I will get to what I believe is a deeper base to why I've said this. First of all, when someone speaks in criticism angrily, the sign of anger says much. Someone criticized as "arrogant" as you say, at the base of his personality is usually a "very caring person". Often the caring person has been provoked, however, and his gift of being caring is then manifested in it's opposite. "Who can be arrogant more than a person who's gift is that of caring." So, we often provoke in others the very thing we hate in them. The lazy or irresponsible person (so criticized) usually has the gift of being "responsible", but has allowed themselves to be provoked angrily to manifest their gift to do it's opposite. As I have said in another post, who is better at baking a terrible cake more than a chef who knows all there is about baking cakes! First, the chef will bake you the best cake you ever tasted. But then, he can show you better than anyone how to bake the worst cake you can imagine, because he is an expert in baking cakes. I say this applies to other specific areas of personality. ... Anyway, thank-you again for your comment, Rob. I will keep your thoughts in mind as I write further posts.
Jim Hogue
Nice to see some new stuff here and that you find some time to blog!
ReplyDeleteI can't seem to relate to the topic though, even though it is interesting reading.
God bless you,
Barb
I realize this is an old post but I wanted to make a comment about the subject (I recently found your blog and have been reading some of the posts).
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my 20's I was working as a professional geologist and I met this other female geologist (there weren't too many of us at that time). I generally like most people I meet, I was young then and didn't have too much life experience. I immediately formed an INTENSE dislike for this person. She was a nice person, attractive etc. I was puzzled as to why I disliked her - I couldn't find ANY tangible reason for disliking her although now I believe it was her mannerisms that maybe annoyed me. Anyway, the long and short of it is that I forced myself every day to go to this woman's office and talk with her. Eventually, I came to like her, sympathize with some of her personal difficulties in her life and my dislike disappeared. I've always puzzled over this episode but I learned something important. Give people a chance, don't be too hasty too judge. It seemed the problem was with me!