Healing For Emotional Pain (Remember, God Loves You)

"And only where God is seen does life truly begin. Only when we meet the living God in Christ do we know what life is. We are not some casual and meaningless product of evolution. Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary. There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter with Christ. There is nothing more beautiful than to know Him and to speak to others of our friendship with Him." (Pope Benedict XVI, Homily April 24th, 2005)

Let me acknowledge something here that is very important. God loves you so much! You are made in His image. The angels see this, and they stand in wonder an amazement. The Father sent His Son to die on the cross for you, because He loves you more than your mind could possibly imagination! To ignore the cross of Christ, is to deny the means whereby God saves you and reveals his never ending love for you.

In your struggles each day, including any possible depression, fear, anger, rejection or disappointment, try to remember deeply that God loves you so tenderly. People may let you down, but your Heavenly Father will never let you down. His compassion for you, through the Person of the Holy Spirit is the greatest therapy and healing for emotional pain. In all of our study of human relationships, let us not forget this.

Beautiful words were once discovered penciled on the wall of an insane asylum. It is not known who wrote them. The words were later the inspiration for what became a famous hymn:

"Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made.
Were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade.
To write the love of God above, would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky.
Oh, love of God. How great and pure. How marvelous and strong.
It shall for evermore endure, the saints and angels song!"

Why One Woman Is Not Enough For Some Men

For the woman who reads this, you must understand that God made you beautiful. For the man who reads this, if you're a husband, you could spend all your life, yet never discover all the loveliness that is in your wife.

That's how God made us. The truth of what I'm saying here, the depth of it, has too much been forgotten.

Each solitary woman is a "galaxy" of experience, of stars, planets and heavenly bodies, waiting to be appreciated and cherished by the man who will love her. Only in that way is a man fulfilled, who's vocation it is to be a husband.

But, "Why is one woman not enough for some men?" The core reason is simple. Its because some men believe God is not as great as He says He is. As Adam used Eve to be God in the place of God, so these men believe God is not capable of placing in one woman, in one woman alone, all that a man could ever need.

When a man is not satisfied with one woman (As some men go from one woman to the next), the problem is not the women, but that man's relationship with his Creator.

All the man need do is look up to the heavens. As telescopes peer through the area within the small constellation of the Big Dipper alone, astronomers project their telescopes further beyond and literally count more than one million galaxies in that comparably small portion of the universe. Our sun is itself a star, a thermo-nuclear device ten thousand times the size of the earth. As each galaxy contains "billions" of these suns (or stars), the estimate in number of galaxies known to exists in the cosmos is estimated in the untold "billions"!

The colors in each galaxy is magnificent. The stars, the planets, the moons, the comets all rotate in intricate detail. Yet, any man knows, who has truly loved a good woman, her riches surpass the magnificence of any galaxy.

Check the math. Numerically, statistically, God has placed in the heavens, not a star, but an entire galaxy for every woman; each woman who has ever walked on earthly soil. Since our God made the galaxies, and holds them in there place with all their splendor and glory, has He not as well contained in each woman all that each man could ever want or desire for his basic human need? Oh, yes! For when a man, a husband, purposes intentionally to direct all his hopes, his fantasies, his dreams and his happiness in one woman, that woman will not only fulfill his visions of joy, but she will be free (more free), to open his eyes, his mind and his heart to more satisfaction, rest and wholeness than he ever thought possible.

Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress.

For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

(Proverbs 5:15-23)

What Has Been Forgotten About Women

There is something forgotten about women. The thing forgotten about women, by not remembering, renders all chaos as ripples atop a country pond. ... No, I think as tsunamis upon all oceans. ... Societal suicide.

What we've forgotten about women, every woman, is anatomy, physiology, bodies formed and carried sacred, precious. Where inside beautiful sculptured bone, flesh, reside precise location, somewhere, a holy sanctuary, a divine tabernacle, where silently the miraculous hand of God reaches down from heaven, on cue, forming tenderly, delicately, bodies and breathing lives of our sons and daughters. Positioned. God. His Holy Spirit. Not for one moment, but for nine months. No, a lifetime, creating.
From here, somewhere in woman they spawn, our children, ourselves.. Mirrors of God's unique image. The angels marvel. Now and for eternity.

Before the burning bush, Moses removed his sandals by command of deity. While there in fire God spoke gently.

Yet, increasingly it seems, we, descendants of Adam, gravitate a million ways, for a million reasons, to this holy place among us. That is, to women, - to ravage, to rape, to use, abuse, forget, roll over to sleep, ... women, to market, to cheapen.

But what is holy in men, except that we approach with kindness, appreciation, reverence, that which is holy in women, then guard carefully, and teach others the same ... ?

God said it is not good for man to live alone, so He made for man a helpmeet. What God makes, He makes perfect. What God says is so, is so always. If women have failing; if wives, mothers, daughters, sisters and grandmothers have sin; the sin seems always the act of succumbing to the instinct to give men and boys exactly what they ask for. When to give them what they ask for, turns those men and boys into selfish beasts. Or if not beasts, then something of the same in lessor measure.

Hereby we set women up to forget the holiness inside them. When they do, humanity loses.

PORNOGRAPHY

In the 1970's, a federal study valued all hard-core pornography at ten million dollars. Today, the most common estimate of annual revenues are at ten "billion" dollars, or equivalent to the 2005 gross domestic product of Ghana. "You could say the culture of pornography has leaked into our lives, but it's more like a flood." said Julie Hanus in her article "The XXX Factor" (UTNE magazine, 2006) "Even as we attempt to delineate our relationships to modern pornography, the line between what is and is not pornographic is eroding, making the task daunting." ... "You could say the culture of pornography has leaked into our lives, but it's more like a flood."

What is frightening, is the availability of internet porn. At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, some two-thirds attending said the internet played a significant role in divorces that year, pointing a finger at online pornography. Yet, "seven or eight years ago pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce.", reports author journalist Pamela Paul in "Time" magazine (January 19, 2004).

And what about our children? In 2001, a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, an independent national health organization, found that 70 percent of 15 to17 year olds admitted to stumbling upon pornography online, and 23 percent of them said it happens often.

But then there's the tragedy, continued trauma to both the one watched and the one watching. "Harm is being done to all our fragile sexual selves, which may be incapable of withstanding the relentless assaults of a multi-billion-dollar industry whose principle effect is to make a mess of our relationships." ("Damage On Parade" by Charles Foran, UTNE magazine, 2006)

Martin Amis calls it "the obscenification of every day life". Ariel Levy, author of the book "Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture" (Free Press, 2005), says this "Raunch Culture" may be hardest on adolescent girls. Blitzed with images of how to be "hot, young women, already prone to insecurities, have a difficult time distinguishing the fake from the real."

Pamela Paul, when interviewing American men and boys, learned how "obsessive porn surfing wreaks havoc on their conceptions of women and sexuality. "They become impatient with their real-life partners and numb to the pleasures of conventional sex. Pornography leaves men desensitized both to outrage and to excitement, leading to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of their own lives."

And again, there "is" great harm to those who are "pornified". In a study by Ms. Paul conducted in 1998, it was determined that "two-thirds of prostitutes suffer from symptoms identical to those of posttraumatic stress disorder - twice the percentage that was found among American soldiers returning from the war in Vietnam." She goes on, "There is something twisted about using a predominantly sexually traumatized group of people as our erotic role models. It's like using a bunch of shark attack victims as our lifeguards." ... "... people getting off on the acts of those who are themselves traumatized and are being traumatized by what they are doing." ... " ... Pornography may be stalking one emotion more than any other. That would be the shared feelings we have for fellow humans, along with the inclination to recognize kindred suffering, and even lend aid. ... ."

Pornography might well become the death of empathy ....

The Adam And Eve Syndrom (Destruction Of Marital Oneness)

When God made Adam and Eve, they were One. Eve was made from Adam's rib. In their original relationship they were not self-conscious of their bodies, and they had all they needed. Together they "walked with God in the cool of the day." But of course, there was one thing God told Adam and Eve not to do. They were not to eat of the "fruit of the knowledge of good and evil."

Then one day Satan appeared as a serpent to Eve. Basically he said to her, "Eve, God does not want you to eat of the fruit of this tree, because He knows the day you eat of this fruit, you will be like Him, knowing good and evil!"

Now, the serpent was very beautiful, and this had an influence on Eve. After that , Eve took of the fruit, then brought the forbidden fruit to Adam. Adam ate of the fruit also, as together they both realized they were naked in their self-consciousness and shame.

Later, God came walking in the garden and He called for Adam and Eve who then hid from Him. It was discovered that the two had taken fig leaves to cover their nakedness. God then asked of them, "Did you eat of the fruit that I told you not to eat?" At which point Adam responded, "It was the woman you gave me that gave me of the fruit and I did eat!"

In that instant, something specific separated Adam and Eve from their close relationship with God. And that separation from God, thus each other, remains a problem to this day for we who are the descendants of our first father and mother in the flesh. Before their sin, Adam and Eve were naked, but felt no shame. After the sin, they saw their nakedness, and tried to cover their shame with fig leaves.

Let's put it this way. ... If Adam had only told Eve after she had eaten of the fruit: "Honey," ... "No," ... "Remember what God said." ... "He told us we could eat of all the fruit in the garden, but not the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil." ... "Now, Eve, you go put the fruit back, and everything will be OK!" ... "I know you were deceived by the beautiful serpent, but I will protect you by not eating of the fruit myself!"

If Adam had done this, he would have had a moral authority to lovingly stand before God without shame on Eve's behalf. If Adam had not eaten of the fruit, but had instead spoken to God justly on behalf of both of them, God would have helped the two grow by the experience, and they would have both stayed in Eden in continued, close relationship with Him.

But remember, it was to "Adam" that God had originally given the command, "Do not eat this fruit or you will surely die. ...". And it was "Adam" who was not deceived at the time he ate of the fruit. This means that in the instant Adam said to God, "The woman You gave me, gave me of the fruit and I did eat." Adam was clear in his mind as he attempted to convince God that Eve was the one who was to blame for the sin, and that he was innocent!

In this Blog, Catholic Psychology, we will take strides, step by step, to articulate details of sound emotional and spiritual psychology for the sake of our own personal relationships today. To begin this endeavor, although there are many areas from which one could begin, our starting point will be that of addressing contributions of the first male, Adam, to the diseased, sad, painful, "psychology" passed down to the human race from the act of sin. The reactions of Eve to Adam in her dysfunctional responses of sin will follow, and we will unfold personal application to our own lives in the present.


Notice The Progression Of Events Regarding Eve:

(1) Eve was deceived when she ate of the fruit. She ate the fruit without forethought. It was done by her on impulse. She was influenced by the beauty and enticing words of the serpent.

(2) When God said to her, "Did you eat of the fruit that I told you not to eat?" Eve's answer was honest and truthful: "I was deceived by the serpent, and I did eat!"

(3) No words in the Genesis account suggests at the time that Eve blamed her husband in order to appear innocent.


In Contrast, Notice The Progression Of Events Regarding Adam:

(1) Adam was "not" deceived at the moment that he ate of the fruit. He was clear in his mind with genius intellect, and understood with forethought what he was doing when he ate the forbidden fruit.

(2) When God finally asked Adam, "Did you eat of the fruit I told you not to eat?" Adam's reply was dishonest. A statement that concealed his personal responsibility was: "It was the woman You gave me, that gave of the fruit, and I did eat!"

(3) At the time of his misdeed, Adam, clearly realized the vulnerable position of his wife. Still he chose not to lovingly advocate for her before God. Instead Adam took advantage of Eve's vulnerable position by eating of the fruit by her hand, then blamed her, his wife, as he claimed innocense at her expense before God.


This, only a beginning of a Catholic Psychology, sounds as a siren to what has happened ever since our first parents, from generation to generation, and the siren of facts continue to this day.

"That as Adam used Eve in his calculated rebellion against God, so also do men in sin today use women in their current rebellion against God." ... "Then, as Eve was deceived, so women today are deceived, responding sinfully to the sinful use they experience by men in sin."

In only one scenario that is lived day after day, a man promises a woman love. Only later the woman discovers that the love that was promised was not love, but instead, the experience of being "used". In pain and disappointment, in the end, the woman has nothing to hold on to but her anger of the man who promised her love, but left her abandoned, cold and lonely.

Finally some women cheapen themselves, thinking it is what men want. While deep down the hearts of these women silently cry for what they really were made for: Love, Respect and Basic Appreciation.

Then other women become the "men" in their homes. These women try being "men" in their homes, because the men in their homes have either left, or refuse to stand up as "real men", and love their women and children in those homes the way God made them to be loved by men.

Obviously, we have more to discuss later regarding Catholic Psychology. Post by post. Your comments, contributions, even challenges will be considered. However, through God, the Holy Trinity, the Bible, the Family of the Church, the Sacred Sacraments, and much more, there is a Spirituality, a Psychology, of gentle guidance and healing. May God be with us in this journey of learning and personal application through the Holy Spirit.

To end at this time, however, consider the following from the Roman Catholic Catechism:

1610 ... the law given to Moses aims at protecting the wife from arbitrary domination by the husband, even though according to the Lord's words it still carries traces of man's "hardness of heart" which was the reason Moses permitted men to divorce their wives.101

1611 Seeing God's covenant with Israel in the image of exclusive and faithful married love, the prophets prepared the Chosen People's conscience for a deepened understanding of the unity and indissolubility of marriage.102 The books of Ruth and Tobit bear moving witness to an elevated sense of marriage and to the fidelity and tenderness of spouses. Tradition has always seen in the Song of Solomon a unique expression of human love, insofar as it is a reflection of God's love - a love "strong as death" that "many waters cannot quench."103